¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How did breaking a sweat at the public bathroom help you feel more relaxed?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-03 595

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

When I do a lot of work or think a lot about it, I find my muscles very tense.
At that times, I have to relax my muscles, and I think going to a public bath is the best way.
If I soak myself in warm water or use a sauna, I can sweat a lot and relax my muscles.
Sometimes if I get a massage from a masseur, there's nothing better.
However, if I stay in the public bathroom for too long, I sweat too much, so I feel more tired.
Our muscles also need some tension for health.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David! Your response is well-structured and effectively conveys your thoughts on the topic. Just be mindful of minor grammar details, such as using "those times" instead of "that times," and making slight wording adjustments for better clarity. Keep up the great work!

~ T. Lia

When I do a lot of work or think a lot about it, I find my muscles very tense.
>> CORRECT


At that times, I have to relax my muscles, and I think going to a public bath is the best way.
>> At those times, I have to relax my muscles, and I think going to a public bath is the best way.


If I soak myself in warm water or use a sauna, I can sweat a lot and relax my muscles.
>> CORRECT


Sometimes if I get a massage from a masseur, there's nothing better.
>> Sometimes, if I get a massage from a masseur, there's nothing better.


However, if I stay in the public bathroom for too long, I sweat too much, so I feel more tired.
>> However, if I stay in the public bath for too long, I sweat too much, so I feel more tired.


Our muscles also need some tension for health.
>> Our muscles also need some tension to stay healthy.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142330 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 949
142329 What¡¯s your favorite memory with your siblings? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 2
142328 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 987
142327 dairy ±è*³ë ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1067
142326 a big house ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1
142325 Have you ever been in a situation where you had to say no to a... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1105
142324 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 795
142323 next lesson Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1183
142322 How do you feel about being Top 1 in your violin class? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1152
142321 What makes a conversation interesting ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 885
142320 2/5 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 0
142319 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1335
142318 Native language ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1140
142317 Is a bucket list necessary? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 3
142316 When was the last time you attended a wedding? Tell me something... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1089
142315 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1386
142314 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1154
142313 social media ÃÖ*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1178
142312 What kind of workmates do you want to work with? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1151
142311 What¡¯s the most common accident you have at home? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04