¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nowadays, people prefer going to malls to relax and have fun rather than taking up a hobby. Do you a

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-03 820

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I totally agree with this statement.
Today's malls provide all to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
They can relax and have fun at there.
If they want to take up hobby, they will go to the gym or the park rather than malls.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Please take note of the proper vocabulary words.
They go well with the sentences you made.
This is the best composition you have submitted as of this time.
Let's do better as we go along.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
I totally agree with this statement.
>> Correct
Today's malls provide all to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
>> Today's malls provide everything to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
They can relax and have fun at there.
>> They can relax and have fun there.
If they want to take up hobby, they will go to the gym or the park rather than malls.
>> If they want to take up a hobby, they would go to the gym or the park instead of the malls.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142350 How significant is keeping these manufacturing plants in Mexico... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1341
142349 HOMEWORK ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 0
142348 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 2
142347 Waking up early vs waking up late ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1193
142346 My childhood memories in Suwon È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1715
142345 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1422
142344 Future travel plan È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1183
142343 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1
142342 What are the other disadvantages of talking on the phone? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 3
142341 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1417
142340 What is work-life balance and why is it important? ¼Û*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1426
142339 2/5 HOMEWORK ±è*¼Ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 2
142338 Do you think money can make people happy? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1620
142337 Have you ever owed someone? How? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1434
142336 River Flows In You ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1
142335 homework~ (What are the last thing you did~?) Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1306
142334 What are effective ways to keep our minds sharp as we age? Do... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1160
142333 Why do many couples in Korea choose not to have children, even... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 3
142332 I did my homework.🤗 ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1430
142331 my least favorite music genres ±è*·É ¿Ï·á 2025-02-06 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04