¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nowadays, people prefer going to malls to relax and have fun rather than taking up a hobby. Do you a

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-03 759

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I totally agree with this statement.
Today's malls provide all to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
They can relax and have fun at there.
If they want to take up hobby, they will go to the gym or the park rather than malls.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Please take note of the proper vocabulary words.
They go well with the sentences you made.
This is the best composition you have submitted as of this time.
Let's do better as we go along.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
I totally agree with this statement.
>> Correct
Today's malls provide all to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
>> Today's malls provide everything to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
They can relax and have fun at there.
>> They can relax and have fun there.
If they want to take up hobby, they will go to the gym or the park rather than malls.
>> If they want to take up a hobby, they would go to the gym or the park instead of the malls.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142723 What\'s something people assume about you that is never true? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 0
142722 2025.02.25 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 781
142721 How can we tell if someone is listening to us? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 1
142720 What\'s the most popular section of the hypermarket? Why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 979
142719 how can you develop a good habit? ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 940
142718 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 906
142717 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 968
142716 revenge ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 916
142715 What are the usual stuff in your classroom that you don\'t like?... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 965
142714 What favor would bother you most ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 855
142713 Why did you choose this particular song? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 769
142712 fashion ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 1
142711 2/24 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 1
142710 2025.02.25 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 1042
142709 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 1004
142708 script Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 901
142707 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 1
142706 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 2
142705 Technology and culture2 ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 1
142704 What makes a restaurant standout for you? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 1020

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04