¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Nowadays, people prefer going to malls to relax and have fun rather than taking up a hobby. Do you a

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-03 764

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I totally agree with this statement.
Today's malls provide all to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
They can relax and have fun at there.
If they want to take up hobby, they will go to the gym or the park rather than malls.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Please take note of the proper vocabulary words.
They go well with the sentences you made.
This is the best composition you have submitted as of this time.
Let's do better as we go along.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
I totally agree with this statement.
>> Correct
Today's malls provide all to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
>> Today's malls provide everything to the public, including cinemas, restaurants, clothing stores, hair shops and even flower shops.
They can relax and have fun at there.
>> They can relax and have fun there.
If they want to take up hobby, they will go to the gym or the park rather than malls.
>> If they want to take up a hobby, they would go to the gym or the park instead of the malls.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142678 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 1
142677 What activities with animals do you enjoy most? (walking,... ÀÓ*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 927
142676 How do you improve your mornings? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 901
142675 NK soldiers ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 804
142674 How frequently do you worry about how you look? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 7
142673 When i hear the word \'solos\'.. ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 986
142672 What¡¯s a memory that means a lot to you? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 1
142671 How do you deal with major changes in your company? ¼­*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 844
142670 What is a perfect weekend for you? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-22 858
142669 What form of exercise is the most exciting for you? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-22 920
142668 Why is it important to follow protocols? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-22 1
142667 What are your main reasons or considerations/criteria when... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 1194
142666 How much transparency should the media cover when reporting or... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 848
142665 Unforgettable movies È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 962
142664 Why we should not judge people just by first impression ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 1
142663 I don¡¯t believe that whales can sing. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 1079
142662 The homework for February 20th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 1037
142661 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 1016
142660 What springs to mind when you hear the term ¡®animal rights? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 985
142659 homework ±è*¼Ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 1199

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04