무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Why do you think some people believes in astrology?

작성자: 김*경
2025-03-04 1137

회원님의 영작문

I think those in desperate need would need something or someone to rely on, which is natural response to hardship. In this regard, people with astrology culture may seek to break through the hardship helped by astrological wisdom. Moreover, it is not hard to find stories where kings or powerful men were guided to win over obstacles by astrological wisdom. Even in the Bible, a big star and wise men who seemed to be astrologists appeared to celebrate the birth of Jesus, Messiah.
In short, I think there must be divine plan in the movement of stars in space and astrology could be meaningful to find out God’s wills inside it. So if kept focused on God, it can lead us into better life, otherwise it can lead us astray into worshiping stars as if they are live gods, which was big mistakes the humanity made.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Steve!

Your text effectively explores the significance of astrology in helping people through hardships and its presence in historical and religious contexts. You present a balanced perspective by acknowledging both the potential benefits and the dangers of misinterpreting astrological guidance. Great job! To enhance clarity, consider refining some sentences for smoother flow and coherence. Keep up the thoughtful writing!
~Teacher Jess
 
I think those in desperate need would need something or someone to rely on, which is natural response to hardship. 
>> CORRECT

In this regard, people with astrology culture may seek to break through the hardship helped by astrological wisdom. 
>> In this regard, people with a cultural connection to astrology may seek to overcome hardship with the help of astrological wisdom.

Moreover, it is not hard to find stories where kings or powerful men were guided to win over obstacles by astrological wisdom. 
>> Moreover, it is not hard to find stories where kings or powerful men were guided to triumph over obstacles by astrological wisdom.

Even in the Bible, a big star and wise men who seemed to be astrologists appeared to celebrate the birth of Jesus, Messiah.
>> Even in the Bible, a big star and wise men, who seemed to be astrologers, appeared to celebrate the birth of Jesus, the Messiah.

In short, I think there must be divine plan in the movement of stars in space and astrology could be meaningful to find out God’s wills inside it. 
>> In short, I think there must be a divine plan in the movement of stars in space, and astrology could be meaningful in understanding God's will.

So if kept focused on God, it can lead us into better life, otherwise it can lead us astray into worshiping stars as if they are live gods, which was big mistakes the humanity made. 
>> If we keep our focus on God, astrology can lead us to a better life. Otherwise, it can lead us astray into worshiping stars as if they are living gods, which was a big mistake humanity made.
번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
140854 In what ways does immigration benefit a country? 김*경 완료 2024-11-07 2040
140853 Recipe Of Curry 안*인 완료 2024-11-07 2680
140852 What do you usually order when you eat out? 이*훈 완료 2024-11-07 2605
140851 What do you think are the most important qualities of a good... 이*희 완료 2024-11-07 1
140850 Homework 오*현 완료 2024-11-07 3
140849 I\'m a main pasta chef in my home! 김*민 완료 2024-11-07 2096
140848 Home work for Wednesday ( 6th Novemder ) 김*용 완료 2024-11-07 2737
140847 I want to purchase my own house one day. 김*민 완료 2024-11-07 2465
140846 I\'m terrible at negotiating when shopping :( 김*민 완료 2024-11-07 2707
140845 Do Do you think the shape of your hands or fingers reveals... 임*미 완료 2024-11-07 2320
140844 Homework 김*님 완료 2024-11-07 2298
140843 6.Nov.2024 김*정 완료 2024-11-07 0
140842 What is the most beautiful city you have ever visited? 이*범 완료 2024-11-07 2
140841 What would a perfect day look like for you? 김*순 완료 2024-11-06 3010
140840 What\'s the best company benefit or perk you\'ve received at... 오*영 완료 2024-11-06 2556
140839 Homework 김*우 완료 2024-11-06 4
140838 Home work 신*라 완료 2024-11-06 2481
140837 homework 이*숙 완료 2024-11-06 2177
140836 Appearance important 정*영 완료 2024-11-06 7
140835 Should beauty standards include people of all shapes, sizes, and... 신*규 완료 2024-11-06 2103

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]