¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

wealthy, poorer nations

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-08 982

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

One of the biggest challenges we face today is how to deal with poorer nations.
Some argue that poorer nations should develop their resources themselves.
However, I believe that wealthy countries need to help counterpart of them.

One primary reason is that each country cannot alive alone.
When it comes to biological cycle, every creatures exist by helping one another.
Occasion of Korea is a good example.
In the past, Korea was dominated by Japan and suffered War.
These things made the nation poor.
Fortunately, A majority of neighbor countries helped Korea so it can develop from the bottom of economy.
In conclusion, wealthy nations should share their goods to poorer nations.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Your ideas are strong.
I just refined the grammar and word choice for clarity and natural flow. 
If you have questions, don't hesitate to ask.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
One of the biggest challenges we face today is how to deal with poorer nations.
>> Correct
Some argue that poorer nations should develop their resources themselves.
>> Correct
However, I believe that wealthy countries need to help counterpart of them.
>> However, I believe that wealthy countries need to help as their counterparts.
One primary reason is that each country cannot alive alone.
>> One primary reason is that no country can survive alone.
When it comes to biological cycle, every creatures exist by helping one another.
>> When it comes to the biological cycle, all creatures exist by helping one another.
Occasion of Korea is a good example.
>> The case of Korea is a good example.
In the past, Korea was dominated by Japan and suffered War.
>> In the past, Korea was dominated by Japan and suffered through war.
These things made the nation poor.
>> These events left the nation in poverty.
Fortunately, A majority of neighbor countries helped Korea so it can develop from the bottom of economy.
>> Fortunately, a majority of neighboring countries helped Korea, allowing it to rebuild its economy from the ground up.
In conclusion, wealthy nations should share their goods to poorer nations.
>> In conclusion, wealthy nations should share their resources with poorer nations.



¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142214 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-31 1558
142213 Do you prefer a quick goodbye or a long farewell? Why? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-31 1440
142212 What surprised you about getting older? ¹Ú*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-31 1232
142211 Trump ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-30 1906
142210 Write the best way to have a staycation during the Korean New... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-30 1334
142209 What is your ideal summer camp? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-30 1637
142208 Write about the most interesting summer camp you can think of. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-30 1360
142207 How do you celebrate Seollal with your family? ÀÓ*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-30 1909
142206 Write about the first time you were on a plane. Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-30 1715
142205 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-30 1
142204 My introduction ½Å*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-30 3
142203 Write about your most recent dining experience. ¹Ú*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-30 1573
142202 nature ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-29 1
142201 Rice Terraces ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-29 1
142200 What\'s your ideal Korean New Year? Explain? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-28 1588
142199 Do you think traditions should be preserved and maintained? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-27 2063
142198 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-27 1
142197 When something needs fixing or changing in your house, do you do... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-27 0
142196 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-27 1587
142195 How can transportation options be convenient or inconvenient? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-27 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04