¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What are your thoughts on power interruptions?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Â÷*Áø
2025-03-11 849

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

My thoughts power interruptions is scary because the power interruptions is dark so it is scary power interruption in my school four years ago.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Here's your corrected composition, Yale!  Many thanks for sending it. Please take a look at the few revisions and alternative expressions provided.   


Cheers,
Jean~~



        

                          What are your thoughts on power interruptions?



My thoughts power interruptions is scary because the power interruptions is dark so it is scary power interruption in my school four years ago.
>> I think power interruptions are scary because it becomes dark without electricity. For example, there was a power interruption four years ago in my school and I was scared. 
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141733 Describe a place that makes you feel happy and explain why it¡¯s... ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-01-02 1891
141732 What are your new year\'s resolutions? Explain. ¹Ú*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-01-02 1992
141731 How do companies in your country treat sick workers? Do... ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-01-02 3
141730 How do you plan to stay motivated in continuing or doing your... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-02 2053
141729 New Year beats inertia ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-02 2082
141728 What¡¯s one change you want to make in your daily routine for... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-02 1813
141727 Dear Gemma, I took a mistake!!! ÀÌ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2025-01-02 2338
141726 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-02 2
141725 What schoolwork do you enjoy doing? Explain. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-01 1951
141724 How will you achieve your goals? Á¶*¸í ¿Ï·á 2024-12-31 2303
141723 How can the accident at Jeju Air be related to your course... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 2246
141722 Provide at least five (5) adjectives that you can use to... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1948
141721 About dream Á¶*Çö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1619
141720 Which do you prefer among these three to live in : an urban,... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1386
141719 December is almost over. What three adjectives best describe... ¼Û*ÇÏ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1590
141718 What do you think of the drama trend in korea? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1
141717 Home work ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1736
141716 Homework ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1727
141715 goal ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1
141714 enjoy ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-30 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04