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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

homework

작성자: 조*현
2025-03-12 800

회원님의 영작문



please check my file.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Bo Hyeon!
Your response has a lot of great details, and I can see that you put effort into describing your experience in Tokyo! You included key information about where you went, who you traveled with, and what you enjoyed the most, which is great for IELTS. However, to make your writing clearer and more fluent, focus on improving sentence structure, word choice, and transitions between ideas. Some sentences feel a little unnatural, and there are a few grammar mistakes, especially with verb tense and articles. Try to use more descriptive words instead of repeating the same phrases, and work on making your ideas flow smoothly from one to the next. Keep practicing, and you'll get better! ^^

Please prepare for the class. See you!
~ Trixia

CONTENT:
I’ve gone a lot of country, among the various country, I would recommend Tokyo
in Janpan.
- I’ve traveled to many countries, and among them, I would recommend Tokyo, Japan.
I’ve sticked around for 2 days Shibuya in Tokyo with mom before a year ago.

- I stayed in Shibuya for two days with my mom about a year ago. 

We had vistied to Time Scramble in Shibuya, and we were very surprised because
we didn’t know that how many many dessert shop they had.
- We visited the famous Shibuya Scramble and were surprised by the number of dessert shops there.
Actually, I’m interested in desserts and pastries so I couldn’t wait to try a lot of
cakes and chocolates, moreover they had a reasonable prices.
- Since I love desserts and pastries, I couldn’t wait to try a variety of cakes and chocolates. They were also reasonably priced.
I bought 2 pieces of cakes and some chocolate and tried them and gussed which
ingredients they had.
- I bought two pieces of cake and some chocolate, tasted them, and tried to guess the ingredients.
All desserts was great but, Especially, the chocolate had an impressive flavor and
texture, in my opinion there was some alcohol and a little bisket within chocolate.
- All the desserts were excellent, but I especially loved the chocolate. It had a rich flavor and smooth texture. In my opinion, there was a hint of alcohol and a touch of biscuit inside.
After we sent enjoy time in the Scramble, I went to Tokyo tower next day.
I saw the whole Tokyo in the tower, I felt overwhelmed by the beautiful scenery.
- After enjoying our time at the Scramble, I visited Tokyo Tower the next day. Seeing the entire city from the tower was breathtaking. 
Although I don’t like to go high place like tower or building, Tokyo tower was
really huge and nice place.

- Although I don’t usually like high places such as towers or tall buildings, Tokyo Tower was massive and a fantastic place to visit.

One of the most best thing while We traveling in Japan, we gained confidence of
speak with foreigner and could learn their culture and life style.

- One of the best things about traveling in Japan was gaining confidence in speaking with foreigners and learning about their culture and way of life.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
142120 I wore a vest nowadays which my mother knitted for me! 김*민 완료 2025-01-22 1315
142119 Do you think that governments should encourage public transport... 서*아 완료 2025-01-22 2
142118 I want to change this answer into a couple of lines 이*인 완료 2025-01-22 1314
142117 I want to change this answer into a couple of lines 이*인 완료 2025-01-22 1280
142116 I want to change this answer into a couple of lines 이*인 완료 2025-01-22 1122
142115 Do people decorate their homes for Lunar New Year? 송*자 완료 2025-01-22 3
142114 Homework 이*숙 완료 2025-01-22 1688
142113 What\'s your wish for Lunar New Year? 노*철 완료 2025-01-22 1587
142112 night 민*정 완료 2025-01-22 1
142111 America 권*희 완료 2025-01-22 1130
142110 1/21 Homework 권*빈 완료 2025-01-22 1
142109 Going to kindergarten before attending primary school. 한*원 완료 2025-01-22 1382
142108 In order to make it clear... 이*훈 완료 2025-01-22 1285
142107 Who is your favorite travel companion, and why? 임*미 완료 2025-01-22 1264
142106 FYI I found the definition of \'Several\'. 이*훈 완료 2025-01-22 1405
142105 Who do you usually talk to on the phone the most? 이*범 완료 2025-01-22 1308
142104 Homework 김*우 완료 2025-01-22 3
142103 Homework & Question 이*주 완료 2025-01-22 1170
142102 Why do you prefer white wine over red wine? 박*현 완료 2025-01-21 1152
142101 What is the most expensive thing you’ve ever bought for yourself 오*영 완료 2025-01-21 1235

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

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