¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

work life balance

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-13 764

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

One of the biggest challenges we face today is making a harmony between work and life.
This stems from long working time and job insecurity.
However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed by abundant of job opportunity and policy aid.

Having long working time has brought various drawbacks even though it can create vast yields.
Additionally, job insecurity makes people work harder.
Therefore, Governments have important role to regulate between employers and employees.
Firstly, city agencies should provide high quality jobs for their citizens.
Second, they need to support companies or workers by aiding funds like tax reduction for companies and support fund for workers.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Please review the suggestions below.
Hopefully, they can help you out.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
One of the biggest challenges we face today is making a harmony between work and life.
>> One of the biggest challenges we face today is achieving harmony between work and life.
This stems from long working time and job insecurity.
>> This stems from long working hours and job insecurity.
However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed by abundant of job opportunity and policy aid.
>> However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed through abundant job opportunities and policy aid.
Having long working time has brought various drawbacks even though it can create vast yields.
>> Having long working hours has brought various drawbacks, even though it can lead to high productivity.
Additionally, job insecurity makes people work harder.
>> Correct
Therefore, Governments have important role to regulate between employers and employees.
>> Therefore, governments have an important role in regulating the relationship between employers and employees.
Firstly, city agencies should provide high quality jobs for their citizens.
>> Firstly, city agencies should provide high-quality jobs for their citizens.
Second, they need to support companies or workers by aiding funds like tax reduction for companies and support fund for workers.
>> Secondly, they need to support companies and workers by providing financial aid, such as tax reductions for companies and support funds for workers.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142600 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1224
142599 What do you think is the biggest change in how families are in... ¼­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 2
142598 Studying during the day vs Studying at night? ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1185
142597 Homework5 ±è* ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1042
142596 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 2
142595 Patient Hospitalization question ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 6
142594 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1045
142593 Memory ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1048
142592 Why do you want study English. ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 956
142591 When do you see a doctor? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 3
142590 The homework for Fab 17th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1058
142589 The creator ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 0
142588 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1183
142587 Everyone prefers to look younger ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1163
142586 It was a backpacking trip to Western Europe with my family for... ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1
142585 Why do you think people like to listen to gossip? ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1025
142584 What do you think of plastic surgery? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 903
142583 For buy-and-sell platforms like Daangn Inc., how can they ensure... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 1014
142582 How can you convince someone to stop making a bad habit? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 874
142581 What was your best travel experience so far? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-18 958

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04