¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

work life balance

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-13 856

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

One of the biggest challenges we face today is making a harmony between work and life.
This stems from long working time and job insecurity.
However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed by abundant of job opportunity and policy aid.

Having long working time has brought various drawbacks even though it can create vast yields.
Additionally, job insecurity makes people work harder.
Therefore, Governments have important role to regulate between employers and employees.
Firstly, city agencies should provide high quality jobs for their citizens.
Second, they need to support companies or workers by aiding funds like tax reduction for companies and support fund for workers.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Please review the suggestions below.
Hopefully, they can help you out.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
One of the biggest challenges we face today is making a harmony between work and life.
>> One of the biggest challenges we face today is achieving harmony between work and life.
This stems from long working time and job insecurity.
>> This stems from long working hours and job insecurity.
However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed by abundant of job opportunity and policy aid.
>> However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed through abundant job opportunities and policy aid.
Having long working time has brought various drawbacks even though it can create vast yields.
>> Having long working hours has brought various drawbacks, even though it can lead to high productivity.
Additionally, job insecurity makes people work harder.
>> Correct
Therefore, Governments have important role to regulate between employers and employees.
>> Therefore, governments have an important role in regulating the relationship between employers and employees.
Firstly, city agencies should provide high quality jobs for their citizens.
>> Firstly, city agencies should provide high-quality jobs for their citizens.
Second, they need to support companies or workers by aiding funds like tax reduction for companies and support fund for workers.
>> Secondly, they need to support companies and workers by providing financial aid, such as tax reductions for companies and support funds for workers.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142511 AI phone ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 1271
142510 HOMEWORk ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 0
142509 Are GMO\'s good or bad? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 6
142508 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1368
142507 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1315
142506 Stores vs Online Shopping ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1450
142505 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1
142504 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 0
142503 Operation post care ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 14
142502 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1242
142501 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1243
142500 What is the best thing to do to please women on Valentine\'s Day? ÀÌ*Áß ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1058
142499 How to handle arguments with friends È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1685
142498 the origin of space ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1
142497 The homework of 12th Fab. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1250
142496 What factors influence a career choice? Á¤*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1384
142495 Do you think failure is important for success? Why or why not? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1
142494 Should governments regulate AI development more strictly? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1352
142493 Do you always agree with your husband? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 2
142492 What makes you happy these days? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-13 1574

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04