¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

work life balance

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-13 979

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

One of the biggest challenges we face today is making a harmony between work and life.
This stems from long working time and job insecurity.
However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed by abundant of job opportunity and policy aid.

Having long working time has brought various drawbacks even though it can create vast yields.
Additionally, job insecurity makes people work harder.
Therefore, Governments have important role to regulate between employers and employees.
Firstly, city agencies should provide high quality jobs for their citizens.
Second, they need to support companies or workers by aiding funds like tax reduction for companies and support fund for workers.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Please review the suggestions below.
Hopefully, they can help you out.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
One of the biggest challenges we face today is making a harmony between work and life.
>> One of the biggest challenges we face today is achieving harmony between work and life.
This stems from long working time and job insecurity.
>> This stems from long working hours and job insecurity.
However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed by abundant of job opportunity and policy aid.
>> However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed through abundant job opportunities and policy aid.
Having long working time has brought various drawbacks even though it can create vast yields.
>> Having long working hours has brought various drawbacks, even though it can lead to high productivity.
Additionally, job insecurity makes people work harder.
>> Correct
Therefore, Governments have important role to regulate between employers and employees.
>> Therefore, governments have an important role in regulating the relationship between employers and employees.
Firstly, city agencies should provide high quality jobs for their citizens.
>> Firstly, city agencies should provide high-quality jobs for their citizens.
Second, they need to support companies or workers by aiding funds like tax reduction for companies and support fund for workers.
>> Secondly, they need to support companies and workers by providing financial aid, such as tax reductions for companies and support funds for workers.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141805 Day 2 Homework ¹Ú*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-07 1809
141804 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-07 1
141803 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 1
141802 What did you do a lot when you were young, but now you barely do? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 2112
141801 What was your biggest accomplishment in 2024? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 2010
141800 homework ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 1804
141799 6.Jan.2025 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 1
141798 Though it is10 years ago, I can remember it exactly ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 3
141797 What was your best travel experience so far? ¼­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 1
141796 Please change difficult words to easy words and correct them so... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 1615
141795 Please change difficult words to easy words and correct them so... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 1807
141794 Please change difficult words to easy words and correct them so... ÀÌ*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 2268
141793 Homework ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 1881
141792 homework Àå*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 1
141791 Homework ÇÑ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 1
141790 What great suggestion have you ever received? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 2
141789 How do you say \'r\' and \'l\' correctly? ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 5
141788 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 2020
141787 How do you feel when someone asks you a personal question... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 1823
141786 economic development vs. social values ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-06 1856

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04