¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

work life balance

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ±è*¹Î
2025-03-13 864

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

One of the biggest challenges we face today is making a harmony between work and life.
This stems from long working time and job insecurity.
However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed by abundant of job opportunity and policy aid.

Having long working time has brought various drawbacks even though it can create vast yields.
Additionally, job insecurity makes people work harder.
Therefore, Governments have important role to regulate between employers and employees.
Firstly, city agencies should provide high quality jobs for their citizens.
Second, they need to support companies or workers by aiding funds like tax reduction for companies and support fund for workers.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Seung Min!
Please review the suggestions below.
Hopefully, they can help you out.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
One of the biggest challenges we face today is making a harmony between work and life.
>> One of the biggest challenges we face today is achieving harmony between work and life.
This stems from long working time and job insecurity.
>> This stems from long working hours and job insecurity.
However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed by abundant of job opportunity and policy aid.
>> However, I firmly believe that this situation can be addressed through abundant job opportunities and policy aid.
Having long working time has brought various drawbacks even though it can create vast yields.
>> Having long working hours has brought various drawbacks, even though it can lead to high productivity.
Additionally, job insecurity makes people work harder.
>> Correct
Therefore, Governments have important role to regulate between employers and employees.
>> Therefore, governments have an important role in regulating the relationship between employers and employees.
Firstly, city agencies should provide high quality jobs for their citizens.
>> Firstly, city agencies should provide high-quality jobs for their citizens.
Second, they need to support companies or workers by aiding funds like tax reduction for companies and support fund for workers.
>> Secondly, they need to support companies and workers by providing financial aid, such as tax reductions for companies and support funds for workers.


¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143614 1 Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-14 936
143613 How do you normally feel when you have to give a presentation? ±è*¿î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-14 838
143612 Have you considered running your own business? What kind of... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-14 824
143611 4/14 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-14 0
143610 0411 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-14 1
143609 What strategies can companies use to expand internationally? À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-14 1
143608 2025.04.10 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-14 862
143607 like play ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-14 1021
143606 Do you think digital tickets will replace paper tickets entirely... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-14 4
143605 My homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-14 941
143604 My homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-14 1040
143603 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-13 800
143602 Do you like any foreign celebrities? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-04-13 1
143601 What are your thoughts on rainforests? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-13 917
143600 Which kinds of animals are the strongest among land animals, sea... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-13 920
143599 HOMEWORK FOR TODAY ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-04-13 730
143598 What do you feel when you see someone who is homeless or in need? ¾ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-13 852
143597 How has the Korean Wave changed the way people see Korea? ¾ç*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-13 0
143596 What do you feel when you see someone who is homeless or in need? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-13 1
143595 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-12 830

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04