¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

work-life balance life

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾î*ÁÖ
2025-03-13 820

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

However, we are still in the process and there are several solutions which can accelerate this trend. Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect worders. For instance, workers could only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.. If they work overtime, owners should give them much more salaries than usual. Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old mind and enjoy their life with beloved ones. Also they can engage in community or hooby club to release stress. Surprisingly, it is observed that having enough rest is a good way to achieve better performance at work.

In conclusion, given that people tend to live happier, decreasing workload. It is neccessary for us to continue this phenomenon. Therefore, governments should encourage people have quality lives by providing legislative support.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi June!
Please review the suggestions below.
Hopefully, they can help you out.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
However, we are still in the process and there are several solutions which can accelerate this trend.
>> Correct
Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect worders. 
>> Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect workers. 
For instance, workers could only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.. 
>> For instance, workers should only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.
If they work overtime, owners should give them much more salaries than usual. 
>> If they work overtime, owners should give them much higher salaries than usual. 
Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old mind and enjoy their life with beloved ones. 
>> Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old fashioned way of thinking and enjoy their life with their loved ones. 
Also they can engage in community or hooby club to release stress. 
>> They can also engage in activities in clubs and in the community to release stress.
Surprisingly, it is observed that having enough rest is a good way to achieve better performance at work.
>> Correct
In conclusion, given that people tend to live happier, decreasing workload.
>> In conclusion, it's already a given that people tend to live more happily with a lighter workload.
It is neccessary for us to continue this phenomenon. 
>> Correct
Therefore, governments should encourage people have quality lives by providing legislative support.
>> Therefore, governments should encourage people to have quality lives by providing legislative support.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142309 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1
142308 No, I don¡¯t have stuffed toys until now. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1548
142307 AKMU ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1
142306 I did my homework.^^ ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1752
142305 What¡¯s the most frustrating thing that happened to you recently? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1402
142304 In what situation do you see yourself being speechless? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1309
142303 What are the differences between small and large families? °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 3
142302 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1440
142301 Artificial intelligence in solving global problems ±è*·É ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 3
142300 How did you feel about the weather during the Lunar New Year... ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1
142299 How do you think we can better protect ourselves from the flu? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1263
142298 eco-friendly ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 0
142297 beg ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1702
142296 Homework for February 04. À¯*±â ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1552
142295 Write your own version of spider man. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1812
142294 Eating habits ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1674
142293 What activity do you miss doing with your daughters these days ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1553
142292 2/4 Homewrok ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 0
142291 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 1610
142290 HOMEWORK ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-05 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04