¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

work-life balance life

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾î*ÁÖ
2025-03-13 877

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

However, we are still in the process and there are several solutions which can accelerate this trend. Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect worders. For instance, workers could only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.. If they work overtime, owners should give them much more salaries than usual. Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old mind and enjoy their life with beloved ones. Also they can engage in community or hooby club to release stress. Surprisingly, it is observed that having enough rest is a good way to achieve better performance at work.

In conclusion, given that people tend to live happier, decreasing workload. It is neccessary for us to continue this phenomenon. Therefore, governments should encourage people have quality lives by providing legislative support.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi June!
Please review the suggestions below.
Hopefully, they can help you out.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
However, we are still in the process and there are several solutions which can accelerate this trend.
>> Correct
Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect worders. 
>> Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect workers. 
For instance, workers could only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.. 
>> For instance, workers should only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.
If they work overtime, owners should give them much more salaries than usual. 
>> If they work overtime, owners should give them much higher salaries than usual. 
Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old mind and enjoy their life with beloved ones. 
>> Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old fashioned way of thinking and enjoy their life with their loved ones. 
Also they can engage in community or hooby club to release stress. 
>> They can also engage in activities in clubs and in the community to release stress.
Surprisingly, it is observed that having enough rest is a good way to achieve better performance at work.
>> Correct
In conclusion, given that people tend to live happier, decreasing workload.
>> In conclusion, it's already a given that people tend to live more happily with a lighter workload.
It is neccessary for us to continue this phenomenon. 
>> Correct
Therefore, governments should encourage people have quality lives by providing legislative support.
>> Therefore, governments should encourage people to have quality lives by providing legislative support.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141946 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 2
141945 How can you change the mind of a person who doesn\'t like Korean... ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1925
141944 What is the best mode of transport for you? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1921
141943 homework ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1701
141942 250113 homework ±è*¼º ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1
141941 The homework of 10th Jan. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1459
141940 Coffee has deep significance ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 2
141939 What do you think is the most dangerous mode of transport? How... ¼­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1
141938 familly\'s relationship ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1696
141937 What kind of appointments do you have most often? How long do... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1452
141936 Do you have any friends from a culture or country different from... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1745
141935 13 ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1633
141934 What is more important to care for mental or physical health? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1724
141933 Do you like going to crowded places? Why or why not? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1795
141932 Homework5 ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1504
141931 Have you tried feeding a giraffe? À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1594
141930 16 ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1448
141929 What are the disadvantages of touchscreens? ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1550
141928 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1420
141927 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1562

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04