¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

work-life balance life

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾î*ÁÖ
2025-03-13 369

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

However, we are still in the process and there are several solutions which can accelerate this trend. Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect worders. For instance, workers could only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.. If they work overtime, owners should give them much more salaries than usual. Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old mind and enjoy their life with beloved ones. Also they can engage in community or hooby club to release stress. Surprisingly, it is observed that having enough rest is a good way to achieve better performance at work.

In conclusion, given that people tend to live happier, decreasing workload. It is neccessary for us to continue this phenomenon. Therefore, governments should encourage people have quality lives by providing legislative support.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi June!
Please review the suggestions below.
Hopefully, they can help you out.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
However, we are still in the process and there are several solutions which can accelerate this trend.
>> Correct
Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect worders. 
>> Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect workers. 
For instance, workers could only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.. 
>> For instance, workers should only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.
If they work overtime, owners should give them much more salaries than usual. 
>> If they work overtime, owners should give them much higher salaries than usual. 
Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old mind and enjoy their life with beloved ones. 
>> Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old fashioned way of thinking and enjoy their life with their loved ones. 
Also they can engage in community or hooby club to release stress. 
>> They can also engage in activities in clubs and in the community to release stress.
Surprisingly, it is observed that having enough rest is a good way to achieve better performance at work.
>> Correct
In conclusion, given that people tend to live happier, decreasing workload.
>> In conclusion, it's already a given that people tend to live more happily with a lighter workload.
It is neccessary for us to continue this phenomenon. 
>> Correct
Therefore, governments should encourage people have quality lives by providing legislative support.
>> Therefore, governments should encourage people to have quality lives by providing legislative support.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142976 If you could be anywhere right now where would you be? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 361
142975 How to avoid too much talker ±è*±æ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 370
142974 What are your thoughts on power interruptions? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 427
142973 What are your thoughts on the USA today? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 437
142972 What would you say is the biggest challenge for you moving and... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 380
142971 Do you think the influence of influencers is here to stay, or do... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 440
142970 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 412
142969 What are some famous snacks in Korea? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 392
142968 How do accents influence perceptions of a speaker\'s nationality... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 0
142967 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 458
142966 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 385
142965 years ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 1
142964 A or an ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 1
142963 galaxies ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 1
142962 Homework ¹Ú*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 0
142961 What will you do to a person who has a sleeping beauty disorder? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 2
142960 What is the most valuable thing you have ever borrowed? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 1
142959 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 505
142958 What are the underlying causes of fear of rejection? ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 452
142957 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-11 431

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04