¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

work-life balance life

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾î*ÁÖ
2025-03-13 388

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

However, we are still in the process and there are several solutions which can accelerate this trend. Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect worders. For instance, workers could only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.. If they work overtime, owners should give them much more salaries than usual. Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old mind and enjoy their life with beloved ones. Also they can engage in community or hooby club to release stress. Surprisingly, it is observed that having enough rest is a good way to achieve better performance at work.

In conclusion, given that people tend to live happier, decreasing workload. It is neccessary for us to continue this phenomenon. Therefore, governments should encourage people have quality lives by providing legislative support.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi June!
Please review the suggestions below.
Hopefully, they can help you out.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
However, we are still in the process and there are several solutions which can accelerate this trend.
>> Correct
Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect worders. 
>> Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect workers. 
For instance, workers could only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.. 
>> For instance, workers should only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.
If they work overtime, owners should give them much more salaries than usual. 
>> If they work overtime, owners should give them much higher salaries than usual. 
Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old mind and enjoy their life with beloved ones. 
>> Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old fashioned way of thinking and enjoy their life with their loved ones. 
Also they can engage in community or hooby club to release stress. 
>> They can also engage in activities in clubs and in the community to release stress.
Surprisingly, it is observed that having enough rest is a good way to achieve better performance at work.
>> Correct
In conclusion, given that people tend to live happier, decreasing workload.
>> In conclusion, it's already a given that people tend to live more happily with a lighter workload.
It is neccessary for us to continue this phenomenon. 
>> Correct
Therefore, governments should encourage people have quality lives by providing legislative support.
>> Therefore, governments should encourage people to have quality lives by providing legislative support.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142721 How can we tell if someone is listening to us? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 1
142720 What\'s the most popular section of the hypermarket? Why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 635
142719 how can you develop a good habit? ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 595
142718 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 586
142717 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 582
142716 revenge ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 584
142715 What are the usual stuff in your classroom that you don\'t like?... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 575
142714 What favor would bother you most ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 565
142713 Why did you choose this particular song? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 565
142712 fashion ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 1
142711 2/24 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 1
142710 2025.02.25 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 674
142709 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 650
142708 script Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 609
142707 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-25 1
142706 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 2
142705 Technology and culture2 ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 1
142704 What makes a restaurant standout for you? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 637
142703 24.Feb.2025 ±è*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 0
142702 Do you think it\'s important for kids to choose early what they... ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 660

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04