¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

work-life balance life

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¾î*ÁÖ
2025-03-13 400

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

However, we are still in the process and there are several solutions which can accelerate this trend. Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect worders. For instance, workers could only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.. If they work overtime, owners should give them much more salaries than usual. Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old mind and enjoy their life with beloved ones. Also they can engage in community or hooby club to release stress. Surprisingly, it is observed that having enough rest is a good way to achieve better performance at work.

In conclusion, given that people tend to live happier, decreasing workload. It is neccessary for us to continue this phenomenon. Therefore, governments should encourage people have quality lives by providing legislative support.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi June!
Please review the suggestions below.
Hopefully, they can help you out.^^
~~ Teacher Sharon
However, we are still in the process and there are several solutions which can accelerate this trend.
>> Correct
Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect worders. 
>> Firstly, government should regulate working hours by law to protect workers. 
For instance, workers could only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.. 
>> For instance, workers should only work from 9 A.M. to 6 P.M.
If they work overtime, owners should give them much more salaries than usual. 
>> If they work overtime, owners should give them much higher salaries than usual. 
Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old mind and enjoy their life with beloved ones. 
>> Secondly, individuals need to step out of their old fashioned way of thinking and enjoy their life with their loved ones. 
Also they can engage in community or hooby club to release stress. 
>> They can also engage in activities in clubs and in the community to release stress.
Surprisingly, it is observed that having enough rest is a good way to achieve better performance at work.
>> Correct
In conclusion, given that people tend to live happier, decreasing workload.
>> In conclusion, it's already a given that people tend to live more happily with a lighter workload.
It is neccessary for us to continue this phenomenon. 
>> Correct
Therefore, governments should encourage people have quality lives by providing legislative support.
>> Therefore, governments should encourage people to have quality lives by providing legislative support.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142569 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1
142568 the earth ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 2
142567 Do you consider yourself knowledgeable about current events? Why... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 848
142566 What do you enjoy the most about camping? (having conversation,... ÀÓ*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 545
142565 What do you do if you look pale but not sick? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 779
142564 I love pizza. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 826
142563 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 1
142562 The homework of 14th Fab. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 748
142561 The masterpiece of god ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 0
142560 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 725
142559 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 936
142558 homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 674
142557 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 714
142556 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 632
142555 How often do you order food delivery, and what¡¯s your favorite... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 564
142554 I attatched the homework file🥰 ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 628
142553 Leisure time ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 861
142552 Why did you stop going to church ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 799
142551 2/14 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 0
142550 Home work ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-17 861

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04