¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How was your experience competing with your friends in a golf match?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-18 816

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

People call golf as a gentleman's game.
The reason is that I have to calculate and report my own scores.
I become a player myself and a judge.
No matter what the game is, there are people who always bet.
I like to compete with myself, not against others.
I like to compete with me yesterday, me a month ago, and me a year ago.
It's a great feeling to see that I've improved.
However, it is not fun to compete with others and win, especially not because I was good at it, but because others make mistakes and I win.
Many people like the result as long as they win.
At that time, I am mentally shaken and cannot keep my mind at ease and make mistakes several times.
I want to avoid competition with others because I always lose competition with me when I compete with others.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David, your writing clearly expresses your perspective on self-improvement and competition. I refined some sentences for smoother flow and clarity while keeping your original intent. Your viewpoint on competing with yourself rather than others is insightful and inspiring. Keep up the great work! 

~ T. Lia

People call golf as a gentleman's game.
>> People call golf a gentleman's game.

The reason is that I have to calculate and report my own scores.
>> This is because players must calculate and report their own scores.

I become a player myself and a judge.
>> I become both a player and a judge.

No matter what the game is, there are people who always bet.
>> No matter the game, there are always people who place bets.

I like to compete with myself, not against others.
>> CORRECT

I like to compete with me yesterday, me a month ago, and me a year ago.
>> I like to compete with my past self, whether it¡¯s me from yesterday, a month ago, or a year ago.

It's a great feeling to see that I've improved.
>> CORRECT

However, it is not fun to compete with others and win, especially not because I was good at it, but because others make mistakes and I win.
>> However, I don¡¯t enjoy competing with others and winning, especially when my victory comes from their mistakes rather than my own skill.

Many people like the result as long as they win.
>> Many people are satisfied with the result as long as they win.

At that time, I am mentally shaken and cannot keep my mind at ease and make mistakes several times.
>> In such situations, I become mentally unsettled, lose focus, and make multiple mistakes.

I want to avoid competition with others because I always lose competition with me when I compete with others.
>> I prefer to avoid competing with others because when I do, I feel like I lose the competition with myself.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144840 jobs ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-30 69
144839 Have you ever seen a big change happen because of an annual... À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-30 0
144838 In your opinion, what makes a good professional appointment? À±*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-30 0
144837 Family name ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-30 80
144836 ¤Ó¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-30 68
144835 Homework ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-06-29 1
144834 ¼÷Á¦ ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-29 67
144833 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-06-29 79
144832 How could art be appreciated and enjoyed by more people? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-06-29 1
144831 What are three things you want to purchase for yourself? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-29 61
144830 How do reunions strengthen relationships among family and... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-29 0
144829 What do you think are the benefits of having regular health... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-29 0
144828 Can living with or near extended family create challenges? How? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-29 0
144827 How do you stay positive when adjusting to a new environment? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-29 1
144826 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-06-29 5
144825 Who are the best role models for young people these days?... Á¶*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-06-29 68
144824 invitations ±Ç*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-06-29 77
144823 One thing in my home that I couldn\'t live without is air... À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-06-28 70
144822 D11 essay homework ±è*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-06-28 542
144821 If you had to choose between a satisfying job and a well-paid... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-06-27 69

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04