¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How was your experience competing with your friends in a golf match?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-18 905

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

People call golf as a gentleman's game.
The reason is that I have to calculate and report my own scores.
I become a player myself and a judge.
No matter what the game is, there are people who always bet.
I like to compete with myself, not against others.
I like to compete with me yesterday, me a month ago, and me a year ago.
It's a great feeling to see that I've improved.
However, it is not fun to compete with others and win, especially not because I was good at it, but because others make mistakes and I win.
Many people like the result as long as they win.
At that time, I am mentally shaken and cannot keep my mind at ease and make mistakes several times.
I want to avoid competition with others because I always lose competition with me when I compete with others.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David, your writing clearly expresses your perspective on self-improvement and competition. I refined some sentences for smoother flow and clarity while keeping your original intent. Your viewpoint on competing with yourself rather than others is insightful and inspiring. Keep up the great work! 

~ T. Lia

People call golf as a gentleman's game.
>> People call golf a gentleman's game.

The reason is that I have to calculate and report my own scores.
>> This is because players must calculate and report their own scores.

I become a player myself and a judge.
>> I become both a player and a judge.

No matter what the game is, there are people who always bet.
>> No matter the game, there are always people who place bets.

I like to compete with myself, not against others.
>> CORRECT

I like to compete with me yesterday, me a month ago, and me a year ago.
>> I like to compete with my past self, whether it¡¯s me from yesterday, a month ago, or a year ago.

It's a great feeling to see that I've improved.
>> CORRECT

However, it is not fun to compete with others and win, especially not because I was good at it, but because others make mistakes and I win.
>> However, I don¡¯t enjoy competing with others and winning, especially when my victory comes from their mistakes rather than my own skill.

Many people like the result as long as they win.
>> Many people are satisfied with the result as long as they win.

At that time, I am mentally shaken and cannot keep my mind at ease and make mistakes several times.
>> In such situations, I become mentally unsettled, lose focus, and make multiple mistakes.

I want to avoid competition with others because I always lose competition with me when I compete with others.
>> I prefer to avoid competing with others because when I do, I feel like I lose the competition with myself.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142183 Give me five sentences using the word \'kindly\'. Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 2
142182 How do you usually tell people about your plans? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 2
142181 I think it\'s a good way to promote Korean culture. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1594
142180 Motivation comes from the interest of close people. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1848
142179 Homework ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 2026
142178 Do you always follow street signs when you see them? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 4
142177 Too important two things for relationship our lives ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1
142176 My favorite Mexican food is ¡®Taco¡¯. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1310
142175 What is your ideal boss? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1865
142174 It\'s hard, but it\'s fun to learn something new. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1781
142173 Hi sharon ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 0
142172 15Jan2025_home work ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1456
142171 24Jan2025_Homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1579
142170 20Jan2025-homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1433
142169 Can you please tell me the story behind your favorite book? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1
142168 1/23 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1
142167 What surprised you the most about your experiences with... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1529
142166 Growth of private car ownership ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1207
142165 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1500
142164 Talk about your best memory from a holiday. Á¶*¸í ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 10

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04