¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How was your experience competing with your friends in a golf match?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-18 1030

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

People call golf as a gentleman's game.
The reason is that I have to calculate and report my own scores.
I become a player myself and a judge.
No matter what the game is, there are people who always bet.
I like to compete with myself, not against others.
I like to compete with me yesterday, me a month ago, and me a year ago.
It's a great feeling to see that I've improved.
However, it is not fun to compete with others and win, especially not because I was good at it, but because others make mistakes and I win.
Many people like the result as long as they win.
At that time, I am mentally shaken and cannot keep my mind at ease and make mistakes several times.
I want to avoid competition with others because I always lose competition with me when I compete with others.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David, your writing clearly expresses your perspective on self-improvement and competition. I refined some sentences for smoother flow and clarity while keeping your original intent. Your viewpoint on competing with yourself rather than others is insightful and inspiring. Keep up the great work! 

~ T. Lia

People call golf as a gentleman's game.
>> People call golf a gentleman's game.

The reason is that I have to calculate and report my own scores.
>> This is because players must calculate and report their own scores.

I become a player myself and a judge.
>> I become both a player and a judge.

No matter what the game is, there are people who always bet.
>> No matter the game, there are always people who place bets.

I like to compete with myself, not against others.
>> CORRECT

I like to compete with me yesterday, me a month ago, and me a year ago.
>> I like to compete with my past self, whether it¡¯s me from yesterday, a month ago, or a year ago.

It's a great feeling to see that I've improved.
>> CORRECT

However, it is not fun to compete with others and win, especially not because I was good at it, but because others make mistakes and I win.
>> However, I don¡¯t enjoy competing with others and winning, especially when my victory comes from their mistakes rather than my own skill.

Many people like the result as long as they win.
>> Many people are satisfied with the result as long as they win.

At that time, I am mentally shaken and cannot keep my mind at ease and make mistakes several times.
>> In such situations, I become mentally unsettled, lose focus, and make multiple mistakes.

I want to avoid competition with others because I always lose competition with me when I compete with others.
>> I prefer to avoid competing with others because when I do, I feel like I lose the competition with myself.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141570 If you could have any workout buddy (real or fictional), who... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-19 1526
141569 Under what conditions would you take someone\'s job on a weekend? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-19 1553
141568 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-19 1
141567 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1828
141566 Do you like meeting new people? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 5
141565 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 2007
141564 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1
141563 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1648
141562 What does ¡°stay positive in a negative situation¡± mean? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1732
141561 Homework ÇÑ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1
141560 Novelist Chuck Palahniuk said: \"The only reason why we ask... ÀÌ*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1
141559 How do you reward yourself after completing a workout? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1827
141558 Homework ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1559
141557 In your opinion, what is the best age to be? What is good about... Àå*È£ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 2
141556 Write about the topic, ¡°How music enhances storytelling in... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1602
141555 HOMEWORK FOR 12.18.2024 DIRECTIONS: Please make sentences using... ÀÓ*Áö ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 3
141554 homework ÀÌ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1
141553 Against SNS ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1337
141552 Homework ¾È*µµ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1770
141551 How do you make friends with other kids? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2024-12-18 1448

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04