¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How was your experience competing with your friends in a golf match?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-18 561

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

People call golf as a gentleman's game.
The reason is that I have to calculate and report my own scores.
I become a player myself and a judge.
No matter what the game is, there are people who always bet.
I like to compete with myself, not against others.
I like to compete with me yesterday, me a month ago, and me a year ago.
It's a great feeling to see that I've improved.
However, it is not fun to compete with others and win, especially not because I was good at it, but because others make mistakes and I win.
Many people like the result as long as they win.
At that time, I am mentally shaken and cannot keep my mind at ease and make mistakes several times.
I want to avoid competition with others because I always lose competition with me when I compete with others.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David, your writing clearly expresses your perspective on self-improvement and competition. I refined some sentences for smoother flow and clarity while keeping your original intent. Your viewpoint on competing with yourself rather than others is insightful and inspiring. Keep up the great work! 

~ T. Lia

People call golf as a gentleman's game.
>> People call golf a gentleman's game.

The reason is that I have to calculate and report my own scores.
>> This is because players must calculate and report their own scores.

I become a player myself and a judge.
>> I become both a player and a judge.

No matter what the game is, there are people who always bet.
>> No matter the game, there are always people who place bets.

I like to compete with myself, not against others.
>> CORRECT

I like to compete with me yesterday, me a month ago, and me a year ago.
>> I like to compete with my past self, whether it¡¯s me from yesterday, a month ago, or a year ago.

It's a great feeling to see that I've improved.
>> CORRECT

However, it is not fun to compete with others and win, especially not because I was good at it, but because others make mistakes and I win.
>> However, I don¡¯t enjoy competing with others and winning, especially when my victory comes from their mistakes rather than my own skill.

Many people like the result as long as they win.
>> Many people are satisfied with the result as long as they win.

At that time, I am mentally shaken and cannot keep my mind at ease and make mistakes several times.
>> In such situations, I become mentally unsettled, lose focus, and make multiple mistakes.

I want to avoid competition with others because I always lose competition with me when I compete with others.
>> I prefer to avoid competing with others because when I do, I feel like I lose the competition with myself.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142379 Do you think you need pocket money? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-09 1266
142378 To what extent should parents be involved in their children\'s... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-09 1045
142377 Do you like your neighborhood? ¼®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-09 1102
142376 What are the limits of human reasoning? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-08 2
142375 parents or school ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-08 2
142374 Are you satisfied with your government\'s response to climate... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-08 3
142373 What is the best benefit for an employee? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-08 1424
142372 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1250
142371 What¡¯s the most frustrating thing that happened to you recently? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1015
142370 I¡¯m curious about Philippines¡¯s life. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 838
142369 What do you think of your daughter-in-law? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1170
142368 Subjects taught in school ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1177
142367 Don\'t use credit card and instalment ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1
142366 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1267
142365 Have you ever politely declined a gift? How did you explain your... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 888
142364 parents or school ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 5
142363 Does your country celebrate a special event to commemorate... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1157
142362 As a foreigner living in another country, what are the biggest... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1132
142361 What¡¯s the coldest place you have ever been to? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 3
142360 dairy ±è*³ë ¿Ï·á 2025-02-07 1204

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04