¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*Çö
2025-03-20 735

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



please check my homework

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Bo Hyeon!
Your response does a great job of explaining why you admire Mark and highlighting his dedication. To make your writing even stronger, focus on improving sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences are a bit unclear due to word order and verb tense mistakes. For example, instead of "He never show the disappointmenting moment," it should be "He never shows moments of disappointment." "Even though" is stronger and more emphatic than "although." Also, try to use smoother transitions to make your ideas flow better. Keep practicing, and your writing will become even more natural and fluent! ^^ Let's talk more about this later in the class. See you~ 
~ Trixia

HOMEWORK:
I admire one of the k-pop group, called NCT because NCT is representing the K-pop and always trying to show the best moment.
NCT has 4 different groups and especially I respect Mark who NCT member, working in the group in addition he is a leader in a group.
- I admire a K-pop group called NCT because they represent K-pop and always strive to deliver their best performances. NCT has four different subgroups, and I especially respect Mark, who is a member of NCT and also a leader in one of the groups.
He never show the disappointmenting moment, such as didn¡¯t song and dance practice or lost the gratitude of fan.
- He never shows moments of disappointment, whether during song and dance practice or in front of his fans. 
Although even he is working in a both group, NCT127, NCTDREAM, he always makes effert to make best stage and expresses his emotion anout his fan.
- Even though he works in both NCT 127 and NCT Dream, he always puts in effort to create amazing performances and express his emotions to his fans.
When I watched video of his stage at first, I thought that how can person likes own job and enjoy it?
Now I realized it, Enjoying his job and didn¡¯t lazy of his work, the reason he made successful singer and also the reason I admire and love him.
- When I first watched a video of his performance, I wondered how someone could enjoy their job so much. Now, I understand—he truly loves what he does and works hard without laziness. His dedication is the reason he became a successful singer, and it¡¯s also why I admire and love him.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142683 Which place is the best place to go to see the cherry blossoms ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 989
142682 What body language seems uncomfortable to you? Why? ÀÌ*Áß ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 0
142681 Work and life balance in academies ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 1040
142680 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 908
142679 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-24 1013
142678 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 1
142677 What activities with animals do you enjoy most? (walking,... ÀÓ*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 947
142676 How do you improve your mornings? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 961
142675 NK soldiers ±Ç*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 820
142674 How frequently do you worry about how you look? ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 7
142673 When i hear the word \'solos\'.. ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 1051
142672 What¡¯s a memory that means a lot to you? ±è*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 1
142671 How do you deal with major changes in your company? ¼­*ÇÑ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-23 870
142670 What is a perfect weekend for you? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-22 903
142669 What form of exercise is the most exciting for you? ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-22 1021
142668 Why is it important to follow protocols? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-22 1
142667 What are your main reasons or considerations/criteria when... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 1286
142666 How much transparency should the media cover when reporting or... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 878
142665 Unforgettable movies È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 996
142664 Why we should not judge people just by first impression ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-21 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04