¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

homework

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*Çö
2025-03-20 781

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



please check my homework

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Bo Hyeon!
Your response does a great job of explaining why you admire Mark and highlighting his dedication. To make your writing even stronger, focus on improving sentence structure and grammar. Some sentences are a bit unclear due to word order and verb tense mistakes. For example, instead of "He never show the disappointmenting moment," it should be "He never shows moments of disappointment." "Even though" is stronger and more emphatic than "although." Also, try to use smoother transitions to make your ideas flow better. Keep practicing, and your writing will become even more natural and fluent! ^^ Let's talk more about this later in the class. See you~ 
~ Trixia

HOMEWORK:
I admire one of the k-pop group, called NCT because NCT is representing the K-pop and always trying to show the best moment.
NCT has 4 different groups and especially I respect Mark who NCT member, working in the group in addition he is a leader in a group.
- I admire a K-pop group called NCT because they represent K-pop and always strive to deliver their best performances. NCT has four different subgroups, and I especially respect Mark, who is a member of NCT and also a leader in one of the groups.
He never show the disappointmenting moment, such as didn¡¯t song and dance practice or lost the gratitude of fan.
- He never shows moments of disappointment, whether during song and dance practice or in front of his fans. 
Although even he is working in a both group, NCT127, NCTDREAM, he always makes effert to make best stage and expresses his emotion anout his fan.
- Even though he works in both NCT 127 and NCT Dream, he always puts in effort to create amazing performances and express his emotions to his fans.
When I watched video of his stage at first, I thought that how can person likes own job and enjoy it?
Now I realized it, Enjoying his job and didn¡¯t lazy of his work, the reason he made successful singer and also the reason I admire and love him.
- When I first watched a video of his performance, I wondered how someone could enjoy their job so much. Now, I understand—he truly loves what he does and works hard without laziness. His dedication is the reason he became a successful singer, and it¡¯s also why I admire and love him.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142450 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1255
142449 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 3
142448 Who\'s the most outstanding male you know? What makes him... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1296
142447 How long are you usually allowed to play games and not study? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1232
142446 What is your ideal family structure? ¼­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1
142445 Homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1413
142444 Homework ±è*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1305
142443 The homework of 10th Fab. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1238
142442 > Since you have experienced being a foreign student yourself,... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1270
142441 What do you think of Mr. Yoon\'s impeachment? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1355
142440 Do you enjoy spending time alone, or do you prefer to be around... ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 2
142439 Homework ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1770
142438 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1508
142437 What¡¯s the most fun exercise you¡¯ve ever tried? ÀÌ*Å ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1531
142436 How do you feel when people say something negative about you? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1402
142435 Which is better for communication, e-mail or handwritten letters? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1285
142434 What is your source of happiness these days? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1206
142433 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1400
142432 Does it need to go to school before the age of seven? ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1397
142431 Which is more difficult : to apologize or forgive someone who... ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1516

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04