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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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작성자: 김*인
2025-03-23 403

회원님의 영작문

I don't know about education systems of every countries so that I'm not sure which country has the best education system. I lately watched a YouTube video about Finland's education system and thought it was very well structured. I'll talk about why I thought in this way.
I believe that ultimate purpose of education is preparing an independent life as an adult especially education during childhood. Finland's education not only focuses on conveying specific knowledge like general systems but also on how to let student find one's talent and help making foundation of their own life. For example, they have vague boundary between academic and business high school that students were able to try both both classes and switch classes whenever they want. This let students to be independent and build their life through their own choices. Finland's education system of giving students their chance seemed desirable to me because Korea's education hardly cares about each students interest.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Ms. WooIn! Interesting! This can be very different from the other systems like Korea’s, where the focus might be more on test scores and competition rather than fostering creativity or personal growth. Thank you for sharing!
-T. Sonny
I don't know about education systems of every countries so that I'm not sure which country has the best education system. 
>>I don't know much about the education systems of every country, so I'm not sure which one is the best.
I lately watched a YouTube video about Finland's education system and thought it was very well structured. 
>>Recently, I watched a YouTube video about Finland's education system and thought it was very well structured. 
I'll talk about why I thought in this way.
>>Let me explain why I think this way.
I believe that ultimate purpose of education is preparing an independent life as an adult especially education during childhood. 
>>I believe that the ultimate purpose of education, especially during childhood, is to prepare students for an independent life as adults.
Finland's education not only focuses on conveying specific knowledge like general systems but also on how to let student find one's talent and help making foundation of their own life. 
>>Finland's education system not only focuses on conveying specific knowledge, like general education systems do, but also on helping students discover their talents and build a foundation for their future life.
For example, they have vague boundary between academic and business high school that students were able to try both both classes and switch classes whenever they want. 
>>For example, they have a flexible boundary between academic and vocational high schools, allowing students to try both types of classes and switch between them whenever they want
This let students to be independent and build their life through their own choices. 
>>This flexibility allows students to become more independent and build their lives based on their own choices.
Finland's education system of giving students their chance seemed desirable to me because Korea's education hardly cares about each students interest.
>>I find Finland’s approach of giving students more opportunities to shape their own path very desirable, especially compared to Korea's education system, which often doesn't prioritize each student's personal interests."

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