무료 레벨테스트 받고 강사평가 남기면 1,OOO원 쿠폰 즉시 적립!

혹시 사이트에선 찾지 못한 궁금한 점이 있으세요?
남겨주신 이메일을 통해 답변 드리겠습니다.

문의하신 내용이 문자로 발송되오니
연락처를 남겨주세요.
업무시간 월~금 오전9시~오후6시
(점심시간 낮12시~오후1시)

영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

If you had the power to solve one world issue, what would this be and how would the world change onc

작성자: 박*호
2025-03-27 296

회원님의 영작문

I feel happy just imagining that I have the power to solve world issues.
There are many world issues that threaten the sustainability of the Earth or that cause suffering to people.
I think the biggest threat to people among those issues is religion.
Of course, many people including you, may not agree, but my argument is this.
There are many religions in the world such as Christianity, Catholicism, Islam, and Buddhism.
I believe those religions are here to spiritually rescue and make people happy.
I am not sure how many people those religions have saved spiritually, but it's clear that there are a lot of people who have died from religious conflicts.
In the Middle Ages, European and Arab countries fought in the Crusades, which were caused by religious conflicts, and killed many people.
Even now, Israel and Palestine are fighting, killing many people.
So, if I had a strong power, I would either eliminate religion or unite religions.
Of course, I know very well that it is impossible.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Soon Ho^^
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. 
Actually, it's quite confident of you to assume that I disagree. 
_T. SHAY^^
***
I feel happy just imagining that I have the power to solve world issues.
>>Correct
>>It makes me happy just to imagine having the power to solve global problems.
There are many world issues that threaten the sustainability of the Earth or that cause suffering to people.
>>Correct
OR: Many global issues threaten the sustainability of the Earth and bring suffering to people.
I think the biggest threat to people among those issues is religion.
>>Correct
OR: I think among all the issues, religion is the biggest threat. 
Of course, many people including you, may not agree, but my argument is this.
>>Correct
OR: Of course, not everyone will agree, but my this is what I think.
There are many religions in the world such as Christianity, Catholicism, Islam, and Buddhism.
>>Correct
OR: The world is home to many religions, including Christianity, Catholicism, Islam, Buddhism and many more.
I believe those religions are here to spiritually rescue and make people happy.
>>I believe those religions are here to offer spiritual guidance and make people happy.
I am not sure how many people those religions have saved spiritually, but it's clear that there are a lot of people who have died from religious conflicts.
>>Correct
OR: I'm not sure how many people been spiritually saved by these religions, but it's undeniable that religious conflicts have caused great loss and suffering.
In the Middle Ages, European and Arab countries fought in the Crusades, which were caused by religious conflicts, and killed many people.
>>Correct
OR: In the Middle Ages, religious conflicts led to the Crusades, in which European and Arab nations fought, causing the deaths of many people.
Even now, Israel and Palestine are fighting, killing many people.
>>Correct
OR: The ongoing conflict between Israel and Palestine continues to claim many lives. 
So, if I had a strong power, I would either eliminate religion or unite religions.
>>Correct
OR: So, if I had a superpower, I would either eliminate the divisions caused by religion or find a way to unite them.
Of course, I know very well that it is impossible.
>>Correct
OR: Of course, I am fully aware that it's not possible.

번호 제목 글쓴이 공개 상태 등록일 조회수
142869 homework 양*주 완료 2025-03-05 3
142868 The homework for March 4th. 조*호 완료 2025-03-05 563
142867 Who is the greatest founder of a company that you know? 김*환 완료 2025-03-05 3
142866 Who among your family members loves eating the most? 송*자 완료 2025-03-05 1
142865 Homework 이*숙 완료 2025-03-05 479
142864 wild bear 권*희 완료 2025-03-05 483
142863 2025.03.04 homework! 이*준 완료 2025-03-05 491
142862 abandon 민*정 완료 2025-03-05 2
142861 What do you feel most people’s lives are driven by? 최*연 완료 2025-03-05 652
142860 How do past experiences shape your appreciation of life? 노*철 완료 2025-03-05 550
142859 What other cuisines have you tried aside from Vietnamese cuisine... 박*호 완료 2025-03-05 571
142858 s 조*희 완료 2025-03-05 600
142857 using technology during dinner 조*정 완료 2025-03-04 598
142856 Why do you think some people believes in astrology? 김*경 완료 2025-03-04 557
142855 homework 김*연 완료 2025-03-04 0
142854 How do you differentiate your job from a doctor when it comes to... 이*중 완료 2025-03-04 1
142853 Why do you think studying English is crucial for both personal... 김*경 완료 2025-03-04 542
142852 Why did many people suddenly become interested in growing plants... 차*진 완료 2025-03-04 607
142851 How does your family celebrate The March 1st Movement day. 차*혁 완료 2025-03-04 513
142850 Are fast food franchises popular in your country? Explain. 차*진 완료 2025-03-04 631

HOW TO USE IT?

[마이페이지 > 수업 내용 보기 > 학습 캘린더 > 영작교정 버튼 클릭]

수업 횟수만큼 영작교정 게시판이 생성되며,
지난 날짜에도 게시 할 수 있습니다.

주5회 수업 : 월 20회 이용 가능
주3회 수업 : 월 12회 이용 가능
주2회 수업 : 월 08회 이용 가능
01
교정 내용은 최대 1,000byte까지 올릴 수 있습니다.

첨부 파일은 원활한 첨삭을 위한 참고자료로 사용될 뿐,
파일에 대한 첨삭은 불가능 합니다.

업로드 가능한 첨부 파일은 최대 2mb까지이며,
첨부 할 수 있는 파일 형식은 다음과 같습니다.

문서 - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
이미지 - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
전문 분야를 제외한 회원님이 직접 작성한 글만
첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
완료 되는 것을 원칙으로 하고 있습니다.
03
하루 게시 가능한 글은 3회까지 이며,
종료된 수업의 영작교정 게시판은
이용이 어려운 점 양해 부탁 드립니다.
04

와이즈에듀케이션아이(주) 사이트명: 파워잉글리쉬 대표이사 전상현
사업자등록번호: 217-81-44736 통신판매신고번호: 2014-서울도봉-0233호
서울본사: 서울시 노원구 한글비석로 245 두타빌 B동 7층 713호
대표번호 1688-8672 개인정보관리 책임자: 안희영 [powerenglish@pweng.net]