¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What¡¯s the most meaningful church service you¡¯ve attended?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-27 638

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Many church members go to church to get something through church services.
For grace, hope, practical help (such as relationship problems with people, financial problems, etc.), they go to church.
The most meaningful church service to me is not receiving it, but the church service I think I gave my time and my whole heart to God.
To do that, I have to try to make my life a holy life for a week before the church service.
I didn't receive anything visible when I made such an effort, but my heart is filled with the joy of receiving everything in the world.
A church service that is meaningful to me is one that is ready to be blessed.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David, your response conveys deep and thoughtful reflections on the significance of church services. The overall structure is strong, but a few sentences needed slight adjustments for clarity and smoother flow. You have a great ability to express your thoughts meaningfully. Keep refining your writing to ensure that your ideas are as clear and impactful as possible. But overall, well done! 

~ T. Lia

Many church members go to church to get something through church services.
>> Many church members attend services to receive something from them.

For grace, hope, practical help (such as relationship problems with people, financial problems, etc.), they go to church.
>> They seek grace, hope, and practical help, such as guidance for relationship or financial problems, when they go to church.

The most meaningful church service to me is not receiving it, but the church service I think I gave my time and my whole heart to God.
>> To me, the most meaningful church service is not about receiving but about giving my time and whole heart to God.

To do that, I have to try to make my life a holy life for a week before the church service.
>>To achieve this, I strive to live a holy life throughout the week leading up to the church service.

I didn't receive anything visible when I made such an effort, but my heart is filled with the joy of receiving everything in the world.
>> Although I don¡¯t receive anything tangible from this effort, my heart is filled with the joy of having everything I need.

A church service that is meaningful to me is one that is ready to be blessed.
>> A meaningful church service, to me, is one where I am spiritually prepared to receive God¡¯s blessings.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142621 My expectations. ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 4
142620 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-20 1160
142619 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1
142618 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 0
142617 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1
142616 If you had a different major in university, what could it be?... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1252
142615 Something to do È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1072
142614 Describe tulips. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1056
142613 The homework for February 17th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1045
142612 Sleep is the best medicine for our health ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 3
142611 What are the biggest challenges facing each country\'s... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 3
142610 What are your thoughts on tall people becoming basketball... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1101
142609 How have gender roles in Korea changed over the past few decades? °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 2
142608 What¡¯s the best beach to visit in Korea? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 3
142607 homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1333
142606 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1239
142605 If you could compare your self to anyone, who would it be and... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1068
142604 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1391
142603 ±ÝÀÏ ¼ö¾÷ µÚ·Î ¿¬±â( 02/19 ¿¡¼­ 21ÀÏ·Î) ±è*¿ë ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1313
142602 What\'s the biggest amount of money you lent or gave to someone... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-19 1109

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04