¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What¡¯s the most meaningful church service you¡¯ve attended?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-27 694

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Many church members go to church to get something through church services.
For grace, hope, practical help (such as relationship problems with people, financial problems, etc.), they go to church.
The most meaningful church service to me is not receiving it, but the church service I think I gave my time and my whole heart to God.
To do that, I have to try to make my life a holy life for a week before the church service.
I didn't receive anything visible when I made such an effort, but my heart is filled with the joy of receiving everything in the world.
A church service that is meaningful to me is one that is ready to be blessed.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David, your response conveys deep and thoughtful reflections on the significance of church services. The overall structure is strong, but a few sentences needed slight adjustments for clarity and smoother flow. You have a great ability to express your thoughts meaningfully. Keep refining your writing to ensure that your ideas are as clear and impactful as possible. But overall, well done! 

~ T. Lia

Many church members go to church to get something through church services.
>> Many church members attend services to receive something from them.

For grace, hope, practical help (such as relationship problems with people, financial problems, etc.), they go to church.
>> They seek grace, hope, and practical help, such as guidance for relationship or financial problems, when they go to church.

The most meaningful church service to me is not receiving it, but the church service I think I gave my time and my whole heart to God.
>> To me, the most meaningful church service is not about receiving but about giving my time and whole heart to God.

To do that, I have to try to make my life a holy life for a week before the church service.
>>To achieve this, I strive to live a holy life throughout the week leading up to the church service.

I didn't receive anything visible when I made such an effort, but my heart is filled with the joy of receiving everything in the world.
>> Although I don¡¯t receive anything tangible from this effort, my heart is filled with the joy of having everything I need.

A church service that is meaningful to me is one that is ready to be blessed.
>> A meaningful church service, to me, is one where I am spiritually prepared to receive God¡¯s blessings.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142437 What¡¯s the most fun exercise you¡¯ve ever tried? ÀÌ*Å ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1507
142436 How do you feel when people say something negative about you? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1368
142435 Which is better for communication, e-mail or handwritten letters? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1262
142434 What is your source of happiness these days? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1172
142433 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1374
142432 Does it need to go to school before the age of seven? ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1364
142431 Which is more difficult : to apologize or forgive someone who... ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1477
142430 What kind of exercise do you enjoy the most? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1146
142429 What¡¯s your dream offer that would make you drop everything and... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1221
142428 What\'s the best way to kill time among your age group? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1309
142427 Do you think another global pandemic is likely in your lifetime? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1
142426 Talk about the most shocking historical fact that you\'ve... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1394
142425 Korean ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 0
142424 What is the most effective way to make yourself motivated every... ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1223
142423 2/10 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1
142422 Homework1 ±è* ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1333
142421 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1227
142420 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-10 0
142419 Who is the person you respect the most? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-10 1500
142418 What are the advantages and disadvantages of using sticky notes? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-10 1242

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04