¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What¡¯s the most meaningful church service you¡¯ve attended?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-27 791

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Many church members go to church to get something through church services.
For grace, hope, practical help (such as relationship problems with people, financial problems, etc.), they go to church.
The most meaningful church service to me is not receiving it, but the church service I think I gave my time and my whole heart to God.
To do that, I have to try to make my life a holy life for a week before the church service.
I didn't receive anything visible when I made such an effort, but my heart is filled with the joy of receiving everything in the world.
A church service that is meaningful to me is one that is ready to be blessed.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David, your response conveys deep and thoughtful reflections on the significance of church services. The overall structure is strong, but a few sentences needed slight adjustments for clarity and smoother flow. You have a great ability to express your thoughts meaningfully. Keep refining your writing to ensure that your ideas are as clear and impactful as possible. But overall, well done! 

~ T. Lia

Many church members go to church to get something through church services.
>> Many church members attend services to receive something from them.

For grace, hope, practical help (such as relationship problems with people, financial problems, etc.), they go to church.
>> They seek grace, hope, and practical help, such as guidance for relationship or financial problems, when they go to church.

The most meaningful church service to me is not receiving it, but the church service I think I gave my time and my whole heart to God.
>> To me, the most meaningful church service is not about receiving but about giving my time and whole heart to God.

To do that, I have to try to make my life a holy life for a week before the church service.
>>To achieve this, I strive to live a holy life throughout the week leading up to the church service.

I didn't receive anything visible when I made such an effort, but my heart is filled with the joy of receiving everything in the world.
>> Although I don¡¯t receive anything tangible from this effort, my heart is filled with the joy of having everything I need.

A church service that is meaningful to me is one that is ready to be blessed.
>> A meaningful church service, to me, is one where I am spiritually prepared to receive God¡¯s blessings.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142192 My children ride ski the first time. Á¶*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-27 1445
142191 1/24 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-27 1
142190 What do you think of \"hand-me-down\" clothing? Will you wear... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-27 1353
142189 The purpose of education ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-27 1479
142188 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 1643
142187 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 1
142186 Does your country have a special food for any of the seasons?... Á¶*¸í ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 5
142185 Homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 1545
142184 What\'s your thoughts on boys cooking? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 1515
142183 Give me five sentences using the word \'kindly\'. Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 2
142182 How do you usually tell people about your plans? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 2
142181 I think it\'s a good way to promote Korean culture. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1652
142180 Motivation comes from the interest of close people. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1941
142179 Homework ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 2091
142178 Do you always follow street signs when you see them? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 4
142177 Too important two things for relationship our lives ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1
142176 My favorite Mexican food is ¡®Taco¡¯. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1364
142175 What is your ideal boss? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1975
142174 It\'s hard, but it\'s fun to learn something new. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1932
142173 Hi sharon ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04