¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

What¡¯s the most meaningful church service you¡¯ve attended?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ³ë*ö
2025-03-27 804

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Many church members go to church to get something through church services.
For grace, hope, practical help (such as relationship problems with people, financial problems, etc.), they go to church.
The most meaningful church service to me is not receiving it, but the church service I think I gave my time and my whole heart to God.
To do that, I have to try to make my life a holy life for a week before the church service.
I didn't receive anything visible when I made such an effort, but my heart is filled with the joy of receiving everything in the world.
A church service that is meaningful to me is one that is ready to be blessed.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi David, your response conveys deep and thoughtful reflections on the significance of church services. The overall structure is strong, but a few sentences needed slight adjustments for clarity and smoother flow. You have a great ability to express your thoughts meaningfully. Keep refining your writing to ensure that your ideas are as clear and impactful as possible. But overall, well done! 

~ T. Lia

Many church members go to church to get something through church services.
>> Many church members attend services to receive something from them.

For grace, hope, practical help (such as relationship problems with people, financial problems, etc.), they go to church.
>> They seek grace, hope, and practical help, such as guidance for relationship or financial problems, when they go to church.

The most meaningful church service to me is not receiving it, but the church service I think I gave my time and my whole heart to God.
>> To me, the most meaningful church service is not about receiving but about giving my time and whole heart to God.

To do that, I have to try to make my life a holy life for a week before the church service.
>>To achieve this, I strive to live a holy life throughout the week leading up to the church service.

I didn't receive anything visible when I made such an effort, but my heart is filled with the joy of receiving everything in the world.
>> Although I don¡¯t receive anything tangible from this effort, my heart is filled with the joy of having everything I need.

A church service that is meaningful to me is one that is ready to be blessed.
>> A meaningful church service, to me, is one where I am spiritually prepared to receive God¡¯s blessings.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142104 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 3
142103 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1252
142102 Why do you prefer white wine over red wine? ¹Ú*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1232
142101 What is the most expensive thing you¡¯ve ever bought for yourself ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1314
142100 What would you do if you had more free time? Á¶*¸í ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 8
142099 What are you most excited about for your upcoming trip? ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1316
142098 Where do you want to go on your next vacation? Why? ÀÓ*ºñ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1314
142097 Which do you think is more beautiful, the sunrise or the sunset? ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1329
142096 All my storys ÀÓ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1562
142095 Why I felt sometimes homework is hard to finish? ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1
142094 Should we take care of the elderly at home or put them in... ¼Õ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1387
142093 What are your thoughts on the politics in your country? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1884
142092 What would you do if you lost the thing you borrowed? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1273
142091 landmark ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 3
142090 How can you be a useful member of society? ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1237
142089 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1463
142088 Homework ÀÌ*µµ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1265
142087 Do you like watching the sunset? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1
142086 What is the best food to eat when you are sick? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1304
142085 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-21 1351

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04