¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The homework for 26th March.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*È£
2025-03-27 386

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q : Do you think older people today have more freedom and opportunities compared to the past?

A : In my view, Korean older people have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.
In the past, Koreans can live countryside because they can earn money in countryside.
However, nowadays, most Koreans are living Seoul and nearby places because we can`t take a job at countryside.
As a result of this situation, most Korean older people have to live in capital.
However, as i know, as people getting older, they want to live in countryside.
So, i think they have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.
In the future, I hope we can work at home no matter where we live.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Eddy!

Your writing has improved a lot! Your sentences are getting longer, and you are structuring your thoughts clearly. I can see that you are thinking step by step, first explaining the past, then comparing it to the present, and finally giving your own thoughts about the future. That kind of structure makes your writing easy to follow.

It¡¯s also great to see you using transition words like however and as a result. These help connect your ideas smoothly. Keep building on this progress! If you continue to practice expressing your thoughts in more detail, your writing will become even stronger. Keep up the great work!

~Teacher Cathy

 

In my view, Korean older people have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.

>>CORRECT

OR>>In my view, older people in Korean have less freedom and opportunities than in the past.

In the past, Koreans can live countryside because they can earn money in countryside.

>>In the past, Koreans could live in the countryside because they could earn money there.

However, nowadays, most Koreans are living Seoul and nearby places because we can`t take a job at countryside.

>>However, nowadays, most Koreans live in Seoul and nearby areas because they cannot find jobs in the countryside.

As a result of this situation, most Korean older people have to live in capital.

>>As a result, most older Koreans have to live in the capital.

However, as i know, as people getting older, they want to live in countryside.

>>However, as far as I know, people tend to want to live in the countryside as they get older.

So, i think they have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.

>>CORRECT

OR>>So, I believe they have less freedom and opportunities than in the past.

In the future, I hope we can work at home no matter where we live.

>>CORRECT

OR>>In the future, I hope we can work from home regardless of where we live.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142144 I think it is important to be able to quickly grasp other... À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1158
142143 What was a typical day like for you growing up? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1
142142 1/22 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 3
142141 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1257
142140 What would you do if you had more free time? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1244
142139 What strategies do you use to prioritize tasks? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1336
142138 Essay - Part2 ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 2
142137 Essay - Part1 ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1
142136 Why I forggot your call....sorry ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1109
142135 What¡¯s the funniest thing that¡¯s ever happened to you while... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1170
142134 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1187
142133 Giving money to young people ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1292
142132 The best gift for yongsters is to spend time together. ÀÌ*Çü ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1150
142131 How does Korean perceive political discussion? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1221
142130 What kind of a leader makes a good leader? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1208
142129 What are the advantages and disadvantages of talking through the... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-23 1087
142128 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 0
142127 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 835
142126 Why do some people handle waiting better than others? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1126
142125 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-22 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04