¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The homework for 26th March.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*È£
2025-03-27 484

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q : Do you think older people today have more freedom and opportunities compared to the past?

A : In my view, Korean older people have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.
In the past, Koreans can live countryside because they can earn money in countryside.
However, nowadays, most Koreans are living Seoul and nearby places because we can`t take a job at countryside.
As a result of this situation, most Korean older people have to live in capital.
However, as i know, as people getting older, they want to live in countryside.
So, i think they have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.
In the future, I hope we can work at home no matter where we live.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Eddy!

Your writing has improved a lot! Your sentences are getting longer, and you are structuring your thoughts clearly. I can see that you are thinking step by step, first explaining the past, then comparing it to the present, and finally giving your own thoughts about the future. That kind of structure makes your writing easy to follow.

It¡¯s also great to see you using transition words like however and as a result. These help connect your ideas smoothly. Keep building on this progress! If you continue to practice expressing your thoughts in more detail, your writing will become even stronger. Keep up the great work!

~Teacher Cathy

 

In my view, Korean older people have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.

>>CORRECT

OR>>In my view, older people in Korean have less freedom and opportunities than in the past.

In the past, Koreans can live countryside because they can earn money in countryside.

>>In the past, Koreans could live in the countryside because they could earn money there.

However, nowadays, most Koreans are living Seoul and nearby places because we can`t take a job at countryside.

>>However, nowadays, most Koreans live in Seoul and nearby areas because they cannot find jobs in the countryside.

As a result of this situation, most Korean older people have to live in capital.

>>As a result, most older Koreans have to live in the capital.

However, as i know, as people getting older, they want to live in countryside.

>>However, as far as I know, people tend to want to live in the countryside as they get older.

So, i think they have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.

>>CORRECT

OR>>So, I believe they have less freedom and opportunities than in the past.

In the future, I hope we can work at home no matter where we live.

>>CORRECT

OR>>In the future, I hope we can work from home regardless of where we live.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141772 What motivates you to be a better teacher? Á¶*¸í ¿Ï·á 2025-01-05 4
141771 My goals in 2025 Àº*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-04 9
141770 Homework ÇÑ*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-04 1
141769 Homework ³ª*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-04 1
141768 Why do our interests change over time? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-04 1974
141767 Working holiday get to new things in new country. ¼­*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-01-04 1434
141766 What is your new year resolution for 2025? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-01-04 1483
141765 Do you celebrate Seollal? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-04 1
141764 Happiness isn\'t choice. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-03 1447
141763 I wanted to be a soccer player😊 ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-03 1
141762 What is your main New Year\'s resolusion this year? ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-03 1398
141761 Homework ·ù*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-03 1739
141760 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-03 1891
141759 How did you feel when you first started learning English? Was it... ¹è*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-03 1665
141758 30dec2024_homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-03 1634
141757 03Dec2025_Homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-03 1610
141756 Define what friendship means to you. ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-03 1502
141755 Day1 Homework ¹Ú*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-03 1495
141754 sort out ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-03 1
141753 How do you handle stress? Á¶*¸í ¿Ï·á 2025-01-03 4

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04