¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The homework for 26th March.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*È£
2025-03-27 296

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q : Do you think older people today have more freedom and opportunities compared to the past?

A : In my view, Korean older people have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.
In the past, Koreans can live countryside because they can earn money in countryside.
However, nowadays, most Koreans are living Seoul and nearby places because we can`t take a job at countryside.
As a result of this situation, most Korean older people have to live in capital.
However, as i know, as people getting older, they want to live in countryside.
So, i think they have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.
In the future, I hope we can work at home no matter where we live.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Eddy!

Your writing has improved a lot! Your sentences are getting longer, and you are structuring your thoughts clearly. I can see that you are thinking step by step, first explaining the past, then comparing it to the present, and finally giving your own thoughts about the future. That kind of structure makes your writing easy to follow.

It¡¯s also great to see you using transition words like however and as a result. These help connect your ideas smoothly. Keep building on this progress! If you continue to practice expressing your thoughts in more detail, your writing will become even stronger. Keep up the great work!

~Teacher Cathy

 

In my view, Korean older people have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.

>>CORRECT

OR>>In my view, older people in Korean have less freedom and opportunities than in the past.

In the past, Koreans can live countryside because they can earn money in countryside.

>>In the past, Koreans could live in the countryside because they could earn money there.

However, nowadays, most Koreans are living Seoul and nearby places because we can`t take a job at countryside.

>>However, nowadays, most Koreans live in Seoul and nearby areas because they cannot find jobs in the countryside.

As a result of this situation, most Korean older people have to live in capital.

>>As a result, most older Koreans have to live in the capital.

However, as i know, as people getting older, they want to live in countryside.

>>However, as far as I know, people tend to want to live in the countryside as they get older.

So, i think they have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.

>>CORRECT

OR>>So, I believe they have less freedom and opportunities than in the past.

In the future, I hope we can work at home no matter where we live.

>>CORRECT

OR>>In the future, I hope we can work from home regardless of where we live.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143185 Excessive drinking ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-22 527
143184 What does it mean for a government to \"respect the rights of... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-22 2
143183 What Korean culture or tradition would you like to continue to... ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-22 401
143182 What\'s your take on solo living becoming a norm? ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-22 361
143181 Who are the people you can always trust? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 476
143180 I¡¯m curious about what the future society looks like. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 320
143179 What role can certification organizations play in combating... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 379
143178 What is the best way to learn a language? ¼­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 4
143177 Should tourism become the biggest focus of the economy to build... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 383
143176 Homework. ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 345
143175 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 405
143174 favorite hobby ÀÌ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 345
143173 2025.03.21 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 380
143172 What have you lost while traveling? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 402
143171 What is your favorite way to practice your English? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 561
143170 Who inspired you to become who you are now? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 377
143169 Is technology advancing more rapidly than it did in the past? Do... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 391
143168 Describe your friends. (general or specific - choose one friend... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 336
143167 Describe a person who helps to protect the environment You... ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 460
143166 s Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-21 444

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04