¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

The homework for 26th March.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: Á¶*È£
2025-03-27 359

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Q : Do you think older people today have more freedom and opportunities compared to the past?

A : In my view, Korean older people have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.
In the past, Koreans can live countryside because they can earn money in countryside.
However, nowadays, most Koreans are living Seoul and nearby places because we can`t take a job at countryside.
As a result of this situation, most Korean older people have to live in capital.
However, as i know, as people getting older, they want to live in countryside.
So, i think they have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.
In the future, I hope we can work at home no matter where we live.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi Eddy!

Your writing has improved a lot! Your sentences are getting longer, and you are structuring your thoughts clearly. I can see that you are thinking step by step, first explaining the past, then comparing it to the present, and finally giving your own thoughts about the future. That kind of structure makes your writing easy to follow.

It¡¯s also great to see you using transition words like however and as a result. These help connect your ideas smoothly. Keep building on this progress! If you continue to practice expressing your thoughts in more detail, your writing will become even stronger. Keep up the great work!

~Teacher Cathy

 

In my view, Korean older people have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.

>>CORRECT

OR>>In my view, older people in Korean have less freedom and opportunities than in the past.

In the past, Koreans can live countryside because they can earn money in countryside.

>>In the past, Koreans could live in the countryside because they could earn money there.

However, nowadays, most Koreans are living Seoul and nearby places because we can`t take a job at countryside.

>>However, nowadays, most Koreans live in Seoul and nearby areas because they cannot find jobs in the countryside.

As a result of this situation, most Korean older people have to live in capital.

>>As a result, most older Koreans have to live in the capital.

However, as i know, as people getting older, they want to live in countryside.

>>However, as far as I know, people tend to want to live in the countryside as they get older.

So, i think they have less freedom and opportunities compared to the past.

>>CORRECT

OR>>So, I believe they have less freedom and opportunities than in the past.

In the future, I hope we can work at home no matter where we live.

>>CORRECT

OR>>In the future, I hope we can work from home regardless of where we live.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142430 What kind of exercise do you enjoy the most? ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 895
142429 What¡¯s your dream offer that would make you drop everything and... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 903
142428 What\'s the best way to kill time among your age group? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1099
142427 Do you think another global pandemic is likely in your lifetime? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1
142426 Talk about the most shocking historical fact that you\'ve... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1200
142425 Korean ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 0
142424 What is the most effective way to make yourself motivated every... ÃÖ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1013
142423 2/10 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1
142422 Homework1 ±è* ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1170
142421 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-02-11 1031
142420 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-10 0
142419 Who is the person you respect the most? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-10 1211
142418 What are the advantages and disadvantages of using sticky notes? ÀÌ*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-10 904
142417 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-10 0
142416 I¡¯ll show my love to my parents by calling often. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-10 1001
142415 The travel in the UK ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-10 0
142414 The attitudes toward work has been changed in Korea ±è*·É ¿Ï·á 2025-02-10 0
142413 What kinds of personality traits do you hate? ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-10 978
142412 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-10 1
142411 Korean young people love to meet other people. Is going on a... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-10 2

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04