¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is music important? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À±
2025-03-28 765

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think muscic is important.
Because I think music has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
When people feel down, one of the things they do a lot is listening to music. This is because if you listen to music that suits your mood, you may be able to refresh yourself and clear up your noisy mind.
So, they music, the melody, the lyrics that we've inadvertently passed, can touch comfort, can stop someone who has decided to die, and can make miraculous things happen.
Therefore, music becomes an inseparable relationship in our lives.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, 

Thank you for submitting your answer to me. 
I really like your answer, as it's so detailed. 
I think not having music at all is just really unimaginable. 

~ Teacher Gina



I think muscic is important. Because I think music has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
>> I think music is important because it has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
>> Or: I think music is important because it has has a significant influence on people's moods and minds.

When people feel down, one of the things they do a lot is listening to music. 
>> When people feel down, they often listen to music.

This is because if you listen to music that suits your mood, you may be able to refresh yourself and clear up your noisy mind.
>>  CORRECT.
>> Or: This is because listening to music that suits your mood may help you refresh yourself and calm your restless mind.

So, they music, the melody, the lyrics that we've inadvertently passed, can touch comfort, can stop someone who has decided to die, and can make miraculous things happen.
>> Music, through its melody and lyrics, can offer comfort, stop someone from commiting suicide, and bring about miracles.
>> Or: The melodies and lyrics of music, which we may often take for granted, can soothe, save lives, and create miracles.

Therefore, music becomes an inseparable relationship in our lives.
>> Therefore, music forms an inseparable part of our lives.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142888 What do you think of food nowadays? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-06 3
142887 go shopping mall rather than take a hobby ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-06 5
142886 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-06 994
142885 What\'s the most memorable experience you have with your dental... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-06 1040
142884 How do you feel about people who smoke near you? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-06 2
142883 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-06 901
142882 2025.03.05 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-06 940
142881 What was the last piece of good news you heard ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-06 975
142880 3/5 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-06 2
142879 Some friends you met on a trip want you to visit their country.... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-06 941
142878 s Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-06 813
142877 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 0
142876 Do you think gender equality has improved in recent years? Why... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 2
142875 hello Àå*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 821
142874 What kind of design or theme would you like your room to have? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 959
142873 advice for someone to looking for true friends Á¶*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 907
142872 homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 956
142871 Homework ÇÑ*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 838
142870 My favorite tropical fruit is ¡®mango¡¯. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 828
142869 homework ¾ç*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-05 3

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04