¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is music important? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À±
2025-03-28 281

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think muscic is important.
Because I think music has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
When people feel down, one of the things they do a lot is listening to music. This is because if you listen to music that suits your mood, you may be able to refresh yourself and clear up your noisy mind.
So, they music, the melody, the lyrics that we've inadvertently passed, can touch comfort, can stop someone who has decided to die, and can make miraculous things happen.
Therefore, music becomes an inseparable relationship in our lives.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, 

Thank you for submitting your answer to me. 
I really like your answer, as it's so detailed. 
I think not having music at all is just really unimaginable. 

~ Teacher Gina



I think muscic is important. Because I think music has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
>> I think music is important because it has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
>> Or: I think music is important because it has has a significant influence on people's moods and minds.

When people feel down, one of the things they do a lot is listening to music. 
>> When people feel down, they often listen to music.

This is because if you listen to music that suits your mood, you may be able to refresh yourself and clear up your noisy mind.
>>  CORRECT.
>> Or: This is because listening to music that suits your mood may help you refresh yourself and calm your restless mind.

So, they music, the melody, the lyrics that we've inadvertently passed, can touch comfort, can stop someone who has decided to die, and can make miraculous things happen.
>> Music, through its melody and lyrics, can offer comfort, stop someone from commiting suicide, and bring about miracles.
>> Or: The melodies and lyrics of music, which we may often take for granted, can soothe, save lives, and create miracles.

Therefore, music becomes an inseparable relationship in our lives.
>> Therefore, music forms an inseparable part of our lives.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143839 What religious holidays do you know? Do you think they are... Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 136
143838 What kind of car do you want to buy when you\'re all grown up? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 181
143837 What do you think and feel when you see police cars? Â÷*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 171
143836 Personally, how do you define \"rich?\" Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-27 123
143835 What are some of the most interesting or unusual things you\'ve... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-26 161
143834 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 2
143833 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 1
143832 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 165
143831 People compete in sports, games, the economy, and many other... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 192
143830 How do you balance studying for multiple exams? ±è*¿î ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 163
143829 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 200
143828 what are your thought on the four-day work week? ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 154
143827 What¡¯s one thing you¡¯re most excited about at your son\'s... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 158
143826 Birthday present that I want to receive is tumbler. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 150
143825 Is it okay to say no when someone asks for a favor? Why or why... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 181
143824 Is there a time when forgetting something turned out to be a... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 175
143823 Do you think a planner helps you stay organized or simply gives... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 193
143822 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 153
143821 0424 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 0
143820 Discuss your earliest memory as a child. ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-25 158

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04