¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is music important? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À±
2025-03-28 975

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think muscic is important.
Because I think music has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
When people feel down, one of the things they do a lot is listening to music. This is because if you listen to music that suits your mood, you may be able to refresh yourself and clear up your noisy mind.
So, they music, the melody, the lyrics that we've inadvertently passed, can touch comfort, can stop someone who has decided to die, and can make miraculous things happen.
Therefore, music becomes an inseparable relationship in our lives.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, 

Thank you for submitting your answer to me. 
I really like your answer, as it's so detailed. 
I think not having music at all is just really unimaginable. 

~ Teacher Gina



I think muscic is important. Because I think music has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
>> I think music is important because it has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
>> Or: I think music is important because it has has a significant influence on people's moods and minds.

When people feel down, one of the things they do a lot is listening to music. 
>> When people feel down, they often listen to music.

This is because if you listen to music that suits your mood, you may be able to refresh yourself and clear up your noisy mind.
>>  CORRECT.
>> Or: This is because listening to music that suits your mood may help you refresh yourself and calm your restless mind.

So, they music, the melody, the lyrics that we've inadvertently passed, can touch comfort, can stop someone who has decided to die, and can make miraculous things happen.
>> Music, through its melody and lyrics, can offer comfort, stop someone from commiting suicide, and bring about miracles.
>> Or: The melodies and lyrics of music, which we may often take for granted, can soothe, save lives, and create miracles.

Therefore, music becomes an inseparable relationship in our lives.
>> Therefore, music forms an inseparable part of our lives.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142184 What\'s your thoughts on boys cooking? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 1562
142183 Give me five sentences using the word \'kindly\'. Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 2
142182 How do you usually tell people about your plans? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-26 2
142181 I think it\'s a good way to promote Korean culture. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1707
142180 Motivation comes from the interest of close people. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1962
142179 Homework ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 2141
142178 Do you always follow street signs when you see them? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 4
142177 Too important two things for relationship our lives ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1
142176 My favorite Mexican food is ¡®Taco¡¯. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1406
142175 What is your ideal boss? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 2025
142174 It\'s hard, but it\'s fun to learn something new. À±*Çý ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 2005
142173 Hi sharon ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 0
142172 15Jan2025_home work ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1580
142171 24Jan2025_Homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1752
142170 20Jan2025-homework ±è*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1601
142169 Can you please tell me the story behind your favorite book? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1
142168 1/23 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1
142167 What surprised you the most about your experiences with... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1678
142166 Growth of private car ownership ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1339
142165 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-24 1695

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04