¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is music important? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À±
2025-03-28 533

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think muscic is important.
Because I think music has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
When people feel down, one of the things they do a lot is listening to music. This is because if you listen to music that suits your mood, you may be able to refresh yourself and clear up your noisy mind.
So, they music, the melody, the lyrics that we've inadvertently passed, can touch comfort, can stop someone who has decided to die, and can make miraculous things happen.
Therefore, music becomes an inseparable relationship in our lives.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, 

Thank you for submitting your answer to me. 
I really like your answer, as it's so detailed. 
I think not having music at all is just really unimaginable. 

~ Teacher Gina



I think muscic is important. Because I think music has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
>> I think music is important because it has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
>> Or: I think music is important because it has has a significant influence on people's moods and minds.

When people feel down, one of the things they do a lot is listening to music. 
>> When people feel down, they often listen to music.

This is because if you listen to music that suits your mood, you may be able to refresh yourself and clear up your noisy mind.
>>  CORRECT.
>> Or: This is because listening to music that suits your mood may help you refresh yourself and calm your restless mind.

So, they music, the melody, the lyrics that we've inadvertently passed, can touch comfort, can stop someone who has decided to die, and can make miraculous things happen.
>> Music, through its melody and lyrics, can offer comfort, stop someone from commiting suicide, and bring about miracles.
>> Or: The melodies and lyrics of music, which we may often take for granted, can soothe, save lives, and create miracles.

Therefore, music becomes an inseparable relationship in our lives.
>> Therefore, music forms an inseparable part of our lives.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142936 How does regular physical activity benefit mental health and... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 0
142935 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 683
142934 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 800
142933 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 827
142932 Do you like sushi? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 1
142931 Homework☺️ ¿À*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 712
142930 3/7 Homework ±Ç*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 1
142929 If you could design your own violin keychain from scratch, what... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 680
142928 Talk about the most extreme activity that you\'ve tried. ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 701
142927 The most unusual food ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 634
142926 Word forms worksheet ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 0
142925 Homework(Last Friday) Á¤*¼Á ¿Ï·á 2025-03-10 790
142924 What are the main industries or jobs in your hometown? °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2025-03-09 1
142923 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-09 1
142922 How do you take care of your action figures? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-09 784
142921 Wealthy and poor nations ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-09 2
142920 wealthy, poorer nations ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-08 842
142919 Do you often spend weekends with family or friends? Why or why... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-08 1
142918 How important is punctuality in different work cultures? ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-07 2
142917 Which do you prefer; traditional or medern medicine? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-03-07 737

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04