¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Is music important? Why or why not?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À±
2025-03-28 559

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think muscic is important.
Because I think music has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
When people feel down, one of the things they do a lot is listening to music. This is because if you listen to music that suits your mood, you may be able to refresh yourself and clear up your noisy mind.
So, they music, the melody, the lyrics that we've inadvertently passed, can touch comfort, can stop someone who has decided to die, and can make miraculous things happen.
Therefore, music becomes an inseparable relationship in our lives.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, 

Thank you for submitting your answer to me. 
I really like your answer, as it's so detailed. 
I think not having music at all is just really unimaginable. 

~ Teacher Gina



I think muscic is important. Because I think music has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
>> I think music is important because it has a lot of influence on people's moods and minds.
>> Or: I think music is important because it has has a significant influence on people's moods and minds.

When people feel down, one of the things they do a lot is listening to music. 
>> When people feel down, they often listen to music.

This is because if you listen to music that suits your mood, you may be able to refresh yourself and clear up your noisy mind.
>>  CORRECT.
>> Or: This is because listening to music that suits your mood may help you refresh yourself and calm your restless mind.

So, they music, the melody, the lyrics that we've inadvertently passed, can touch comfort, can stop someone who has decided to die, and can make miraculous things happen.
>> Music, through its melody and lyrics, can offer comfort, stop someone from commiting suicide, and bring about miracles.
>> Or: The melodies and lyrics of music, which we may often take for granted, can soothe, save lives, and create miracles.

Therefore, music becomes an inseparable relationship in our lives.
>> Therefore, music forms an inseparable part of our lives.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142831 Importance of green agrea Á¶*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 731
142830 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 1
142829 What is the best movie of all time for you? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 854
142828 Would you consider yourself a \"Jack-of-all-trades\"? Why? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 932
142827 I don¡¯t listen to podcasts. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 764
142826 HOMEWORK 3/3 ±è*¼Ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 761
142825 Nowadays, people prefer going to malls to relax and have fun... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 760
142824 The homework for February 25th. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 727
142823 Studying alone allows people to concentrate more. Group studying... ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 859
142822 What kind of work do you think you can do in Malaysia? Share... ÇÑ*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 4
142821 Homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 801
142820 How did breaking a sweat at the public bathroom help you feel... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 808
142819 When do you usually give gifts in your country ? ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 849
142818 2025.02.28 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 695
142817 My opinion. ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-03 3
142816 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 2
142815 How does your friend feel about his brother going to the army? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 899
142814 What are the advantages of a homogeneous society? What about the... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 858
142813 Is standardized examination the best way to test a student\'s... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 836
142812 fashion ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 0

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04