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영작교정 게시판

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작성자: 김*인
2025-04-07 799

회원님의 영작문

For behaviors whose illegality differ from the countries, such as drugs or gambling, they are mostly prescribed illegal in Korea. Therefore, there're no legal behaviors that I think should be illegal. I think the biggest problem of Korean law is that even though those laws exist, their intensity is too low. When a person take a drug or gamble they get punished but since the penalties are light they don't reflect on themselves but instead have a motivation to commit again. What is worse is that other people who watched this loose control of law become more tempted to commit a crime. In my personal opinion Korea is now being decimated by critical crimes such as drugs compare to the past.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Ms. WooIn! It's definitely a complex issue. When the consequences of illegal behavior aren’t significant, it can lead to a lack of deterrence, as you mentioned. Do you think more severe penalties, along with other strategies, could help tackle these issues?
-T. Sonny
For behaviors whose illegality differ from the countries, such as drugs or gambling, they are mostly prescribed illegal in Korea. 
>>Behaviors whose legality differs from country to country, such as drug use or gambling, are mostly illegal in Korea.
Therefore, there're no legal behaviors that I think should be illegal. 
>>Therefore, there are no legal behaviors that I believe should be illegal.
I think the biggest problem of Korean law is that even though those laws exist, their intensity is too low. 
>>I think the biggest problem with Korean law is that, even though these laws exist, their enforcement is too weak.
When a person take a drug or gamble they get punished but since the penalties are light they don't reflect on themselves but instead have a motivation to commit again. 
>>When a person uses drugs or gambles, they are punished, but since the penalties are light, they don’t reflect on their actions and instead are motivated to commit the crime again.
What is worse is that other people who watched this loose control of law become more tempted to commit a crime. 
>>What is worse is that other people, who observe this leniency, become more tempted to commit crimes.
In my personal opinion Korea is now being decimated by critical crimes such as drugs compare to the past.
>>In my personal opinion, Korea is now being plagued by serious crimes, such as drug use, compared to the past.
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