¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How can people maintain good health?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¿©*Âù
2025-04-08 889

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are two main reasons that people can stay healthy. First of all, they can keep their health by working out. All of doctors have said that any exercises could enhance their health, both mentally and physically. Second, diets also helps people to maintain their fitness. Eating healthy food like fruit to the extent and avoiding stimulating food are superb way to preserve their health.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hey Chan! Great job! You used cohesive devices well and explained both points clearly. Just be careful with small grammar mistakes. Keep it up!
~T. Jenna

I think there are two main reasons that people can stay healthy. 
>> I think there are two main ways that people can stay healthy.
OR
>>I believe there are two key means people can maintain good health.
First of all, they can keep their health by working out. 
Correct, or
>>Firstly, engaging in regular exercise is a highly effective way to stay fit.
All of doctors have said that any exercises could enhance their health, both mentally and physically. 
>>All doctors have said that any exercise can enhance their health, both mentally and physically
OR
>>Many health professionals agree that physical activity improves both mental and physical well-being.
Second, diets also helps people to maintain their fitness. 
>>Second, diet also helps people maintain their fitness.
OR
>>Secondly, maintaining a balanced diet also plays an essential role in staying healthy.
Eating healthy food like fruit to the extent and avoiding stimulating food are superb way to preserve their health.
>>Eating healthy food like fruit in moderation and avoiding stimulating foods are superb ways to preserve their health.
OR
>>Consuming nutritious foods such as fruit in moderation, and avoiding overly processed or spicy items, are excellent ways to protect one¡¯s health.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142814 What are the advantages of a homogeneous society? What about the... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 922
142813 Is standardized examination the best way to test a student\'s... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 964
142812 fashion ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 0
142811 look ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 0
142810 gym ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 0
142809 If i can choose past or future of 10 years.. ±è*Áö ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 895
142808 What are some famous foods from your hometown? Á¶*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 879
142807 Do you think holidays are too commercialized? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-02 1135
142806 Some companies use a flexible time schedule and employees can... ¼Û*ÈÆ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-01 898
142805 What kind of food do you not like? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-01 1
142804 Have you ever heard about the MZ Generation before? What do you... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-01 2
142803 How important is customer service in a restaurant? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 684
142802 Describe your ideal supermarket. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 982
142801 Annoying requests È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 977
142800 So nice winter break ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 2
142799 Describe a wolf. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 977
142798 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 931
142797 Who do you usually go to restaurants with? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 1
142796 In what ways can tourism help improve a country\'s... °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 1
142795 Do you enjoy pairing coffee with a specific type of food or... ³ë*ö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-28 958

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04