¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How can people maintain good health?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¿©*Âù
2025-04-08 1094

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are two main reasons that people can stay healthy. First of all, they can keep their health by working out. All of doctors have said that any exercises could enhance their health, both mentally and physically. Second, diets also helps people to maintain their fitness. Eating healthy food like fruit to the extent and avoiding stimulating food are superb way to preserve their health.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hey Chan! Great job! You used cohesive devices well and explained both points clearly. Just be careful with small grammar mistakes. Keep it up!
~T. Jenna

I think there are two main reasons that people can stay healthy. 
>> I think there are two main ways that people can stay healthy.
OR
>>I believe there are two key means people can maintain good health.
First of all, they can keep their health by working out. 
Correct, or
>>Firstly, engaging in regular exercise is a highly effective way to stay fit.
All of doctors have said that any exercises could enhance their health, both mentally and physically. 
>>All doctors have said that any exercise can enhance their health, both mentally and physically
OR
>>Many health professionals agree that physical activity improves both mental and physical well-being.
Second, diets also helps people to maintain their fitness. 
>>Second, diet also helps people maintain their fitness.
OR
>>Secondly, maintaining a balanced diet also plays an essential role in staying healthy.
Eating healthy food like fruit to the extent and avoiding stimulating food are superb way to preserve their health.
>>Eating healthy food like fruit in moderation and avoiding stimulating foods are superb ways to preserve their health.
OR
>>Consuming nutritious foods such as fruit in moderation, and avoiding overly processed or spicy items, are excellent ways to protect one¡¯s health.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
141941 The homework of 10th Jan. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1495
141940 Coffee has deep significance ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 2
141939 What do you think is the most dangerous mode of transport? How... ¼­*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1
141938 familly\'s relationship ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1724
141937 What kind of appointments do you have most often? How long do... ÀÓ*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1500
141936 Do you have any friends from a culture or country different from... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1793
141935 13 ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1673
141934 What is more important to care for mental or physical health? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1738
141933 Do you like going to crowded places? Why or why not? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1819
141932 Homework5 ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1524
141931 Have you tried feeding a giraffe? À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1651
141930 16 ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1473
141929 What are the disadvantages of touchscreens? ÀÓ*½Ç ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1565
141928 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1434
141927 Homework & Question ÀÌ*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1564
141926 Who is the most adventurous person in your family? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 2
141925 What do you love most about your family? ÀÌ*¹ü ¿Ï·á 2025-01-13 1
141924 Do you like to try new dishes when eating out, or do you stick... ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-12 1654
141923 How do you deal with homesickness after moving to a new place? Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-01-12 2
141922 Page 35 ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-01-12 1

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04