¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

How can people maintain good health?

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¿©*Âù
2025-04-08 234

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

I think there are two main reasons that people can stay healthy. First of all, they can keep their health by working out. All of doctors have said that any exercises could enhance their health, both mentally and physically. Second, diets also helps people to maintain their fitness. Eating healthy food like fruit to the extent and avoiding stimulating food are superb way to preserve their health.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hey Chan! Great job! You used cohesive devices well and explained both points clearly. Just be careful with small grammar mistakes. Keep it up!
~T. Jenna

I think there are two main reasons that people can stay healthy. 
>> I think there are two main ways that people can stay healthy.
OR
>>I believe there are two key means people can maintain good health.
First of all, they can keep their health by working out. 
Correct, or
>>Firstly, engaging in regular exercise is a highly effective way to stay fit.
All of doctors have said that any exercises could enhance their health, both mentally and physically. 
>>All doctors have said that any exercise can enhance their health, both mentally and physically
OR
>>Many health professionals agree that physical activity improves both mental and physical well-being.
Second, diets also helps people to maintain their fitness. 
>>Second, diet also helps people maintain their fitness.
OR
>>Secondly, maintaining a balanced diet also plays an essential role in staying healthy.
Eating healthy food like fruit to the extent and avoiding stimulating food are superb way to preserve their health.
>>Eating healthy food like fruit in moderation and avoiding stimulating foods are superb ways to preserve their health.
OR
>>Consuming nutritious foods such as fruit in moderation, and avoiding overly processed or spicy items, are excellent ways to protect one¡¯s health.
¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143042 Homework ±è*´Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 460
143041 s Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 436
143040 My regret and plan ÇÑ*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 565
143039 homework ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 0
143038 Would you like to live in your hometown for the rest of your... °­*À² ¿Ï·á 2025-03-14 2
143037 Write the correct possessive pronoun ±è*¹Ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 0
143036 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 1
143035 What is your opinion on online shopping? Have you ever had a... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 0
143034 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 490
143033 Do you like reading books or watching movies more? Why? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 0
143032 homework ±è*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 490
143031 Do you often spend weekends with family or friends? Why or why... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 0
143030 Can you think of a time when you or someone you know hit the... ±Ç*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 3
143029 homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 421
143028 What places would you recommend for foreigners to visit in your... Áø*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 3
143027 work-life balance life ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 444
143026 reasons of work-life balance and how to have better life ¾î*ÁÖ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 451
143025 work life balance ±è*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 449
143024 How will you tell your friend that the food she prepared for 2... ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 498
143023 homework ½É*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-03-13 513

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04