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영작교정 게시판

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작성자: 김*인
2025-04-10 1078

회원님의 영작문

If I can add a new subject in school, I would like to add a cooking class. Knowing how to cook can be helpful for entire life in various aspects.
Firstly, food is necessary for humans survival. Therefore, it will be surely beneficial for survival especially when they are living alone.
Second, cooking is unlimited field. Learning how each ingredients which seemed respective before become a delicious food can stimulate students creativity. Recipes are not fixed so students can try original combinations.
More over, I think this skill can connect to building relationships. Food is one of the rare things that everyone can enjoy together, since there are nobody who doesn't eat anything. In this point, I believe learning how to cook in school will let children to polish one helpful skill to develop broad relationship as they become adults.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Ms. WooIn! Your idea of adding a cooking class to school is great! It's practical, creative, and has many long-term benefits.
-T. Sonny
If I can add a new subject in school, I would like to add a cooking class.
>>If I could add a new subject in school, I would choose a cooking class.
Knowing how to cook can be helpful for entire life in various aspects.
>>Knowing how to cook can be helpful for an entire life in various aspects.
Firstly, food is necessary for humans survival.
>>Firstly, food is necessary for human survival.
Therefore, it will be surely beneficial for survival especially when they are living alone.
>>Therefore, it will surely be beneficial for survival, especially when living alone.
Second, cooking is unlimited field.
>>Second, cooking is an unlimited field.
Learning how each ingredients which seemed respective before become a delicious food can stimulate students creativity.
>>Learning how each ingredient, which seemed separate before, can become a delicious dish can stimulate students' creativity.
Recipes are not fixed so students can try original combinations.
>>Correct! 
More over, I think this skill can connect to building relationships.
>>Moreover, I think this skill can help build relationships.
Food is one of the rare things that everyone can enjoy together, since there are nobody who doesn't eat anything.
>>Food is one of the rare things that everyone can enjoy together, as there is no one who doesn't eat anything.
In this point, I believe learning how to cook in school will let children to polish one helpful skill to develop broad relationship as they become adults.
>>In this way, I believe learning how to cook in school will help children polish a valuable skill that can develop broad relationships as they grow into adults.
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