¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Talk about the crime rate in the place where you live.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*È£
2025-04-10 945

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Korea is known as one of the countries with good public security.
I heard that in the Philippines, like in the US, ordinary people are allowed to own guns. But In Korea, unlike in the Philippines, no one except police officers are allowed to own guns. And streets and apartments are well equipped with security systems, including surveillance cameras. For example, in Korean apartments, only residents and visitors with prior permission are allowed to enter. So, when a crime occurs, police officers immediately know.
In Korea, no one takes it even if you leave your cell phone at a cafe. And it is said that it is safe for women to walk on the streets alone in the middle of the night.
I'm in my late 50s, but I've never experienced crime in person. I only know about crime through the news.
I hope you will experience it in person when you visit Korea someday.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Mr. Park^^
Thank you for sharing.
Please check your last sentence though.
It can be misunderstood.
I'm not sure if you're saying "you hope I experience crime when I visit Korea".
I know what you mean, but the way you wrote it in your sentences can be misunderstood as you wanting me to experience crime. 
You said it after saying that you didn't experience crime in person and that you only hear it through the news. 
It would've been better if you wrote that sentence after the sentence about women walking safely at midnight.
_T. SHAY^^
***

Korea is known as one of the countries with good public security.
>>Correct
OR: Korea is regarded as one of the safest countries in terms of public security.

I heard that in the Philippines, like in the US, ordinary people are allowed to own guns. 
>>Correct
OR: I heard that, just like in the U.S., owning guns is permitted for ordinary people in the Philippines.
But In Korea, unlike in the Philippines, no one except police officers are allowed to own guns. 
>>Correct
OR: Contrary to that, in Korea, only police officers are allowed to own guns.
And streets and apartments are well equipped with security systems, including surveillance cameras. 
>>Correct
OR: Security systems, including surveillance cameras, are commonly found in both the streets and apartments.

For example, in Korean apartments, only residents and visitors with prior permission are allowed to enter. 
>>Correct
OR: For instance, in Korean apartments, entry is restricted to residents and visitors with prior approval.
So, when a crime occurs, police officers immediately know.
>>Correct
OR: Therefore, police officers can quickly detect any criminal activity when it happens.

In Korea, no one takes it even if you leave your cell phone at a cafe. 
>>Correct
OR: In Korea, you can leave your cell phone on the cafe table without worrying of having it stolen.

And it is said that it is safe for women to walk on the streets alone in the middle of the night.
>>Correct
OR: They also say that women can safely walk on the streets alone at midnight.

I'm in my late 50s, but I've never experienced crime in person. 
>>Correct
OR: I'm in my late 50s, but I've never witnessed a crime.

I only know about crime through the news.
>>Correct
OR: I only hear about it through the news.

I hope you will experience it in person when you visit Korea someday.
>>I hope you experience it when you visit Korea someday.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
144652 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-18 273
144651 Do you think visiting new places is more enjoyable alone or with... Á¶*¼ö ¿Ï·á 2025-06-18 265
144650 What are the possible benefit of working weekends? ±è*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-06-18 1
144649 homework ÀÌ*¹Î ¿Ï·á 2025-06-18 234
144648 0617 IELTS writing Task1 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-18 1
144647 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 0
144646 Do you think that governments should encourage public transport... ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 0
144645 What are three things you like about yourself? ±è*ȯ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 184
144644 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 2
144643 homework ¹Ú*¿í ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 227
144642 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 216
144641 ¼÷Á¦ ÃÖ*¿µ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 227
144640 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 226
144639 homework ½Å*¶ó ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 312
144638 Describe the summer season in your city. Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 257
144637 What is the best thing about your birthplace? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 1
144636 How can Korean society be more diverse? ±è*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 340
144635 Homework ÀÌ*¼÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 250
144634 Nice to see you again! ±è*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 1
144633 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-06-17 331

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04