¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

Talk about the crime rate in the place where you live.

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ¹Ú*È£
2025-04-10 698

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®

Korea is known as one of the countries with good public security.
I heard that in the Philippines, like in the US, ordinary people are allowed to own guns. But In Korea, unlike in the Philippines, no one except police officers are allowed to own guns. And streets and apartments are well equipped with security systems, including surveillance cameras. For example, in Korean apartments, only residents and visitors with prior permission are allowed to enter. So, when a crime occurs, police officers immediately know.
In Korea, no one takes it even if you leave your cell phone at a cafe. And it is said that it is safe for women to walk on the streets alone in the middle of the night.
I'm in my late 50s, but I've never experienced crime in person. I only know about crime through the news.
I hope you will experience it in person when you visit Korea someday.

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hi, Mr. Park^^
Thank you for sharing.
Please check your last sentence though.
It can be misunderstood.
I'm not sure if you're saying "you hope I experience crime when I visit Korea".
I know what you mean, but the way you wrote it in your sentences can be misunderstood as you wanting me to experience crime. 
You said it after saying that you didn't experience crime in person and that you only hear it through the news. 
It would've been better if you wrote that sentence after the sentence about women walking safely at midnight.
_T. SHAY^^
***

Korea is known as one of the countries with good public security.
>>Correct
OR: Korea is regarded as one of the safest countries in terms of public security.

I heard that in the Philippines, like in the US, ordinary people are allowed to own guns. 
>>Correct
OR: I heard that, just like in the U.S., owning guns is permitted for ordinary people in the Philippines.
But In Korea, unlike in the Philippines, no one except police officers are allowed to own guns. 
>>Correct
OR: Contrary to that, in Korea, only police officers are allowed to own guns.
And streets and apartments are well equipped with security systems, including surveillance cameras. 
>>Correct
OR: Security systems, including surveillance cameras, are commonly found in both the streets and apartments.

For example, in Korean apartments, only residents and visitors with prior permission are allowed to enter. 
>>Correct
OR: For instance, in Korean apartments, entry is restricted to residents and visitors with prior approval.
So, when a crime occurs, police officers immediately know.
>>Correct
OR: Therefore, police officers can quickly detect any criminal activity when it happens.

In Korea, no one takes it even if you leave your cell phone at a cafe. 
>>Correct
OR: In Korea, you can leave your cell phone on the cafe table without worrying of having it stolen.

And it is said that it is safe for women to walk on the streets alone in the middle of the night.
>>Correct
OR: They also say that women can safely walk on the streets alone at midnight.

I'm in my late 50s, but I've never experienced crime in person. 
>>Correct
OR: I'm in my late 50s, but I've never witnessed a crime.

I only know about crime through the news.
>>Correct
OR: I only hear about it through the news.

I hope you will experience it in person when you visit Korea someday.
>>I hope you experience it when you visit Korea someday.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
143740 Homework. ¼Û*Áø ¿Ï·á 2025-04-22 2
143739 2025.04.21 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-22 700
143738 How much time do you usually spend when talking to someone on... ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-22 1351
143737 dallae ¾ç*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-22 727
143736 ¤Ó Á¶*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-22 627
143735 What courses or subjects do you think should be added in school? ¿©*Âù ¿Ï·á 2025-04-22 1
143734 How can communities recover from the loss of cultural heritage? ±è*°æ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 672
143733 . ±è*ÀÎ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 746
143732 Homework ¿À*º½ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 1
143731 What strategies can companies use to expand internationally? ½Å*±Ô ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 660
143730 > How often do you buy the stuff you need? What would you do if... ±è*¶÷ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 654
143729 Is there a traditional tale or story that you consider the best?... ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 1503
143728 What are your unreasonable demands on your husband? ÀÌ*Èñ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 1
143727 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 3
143726 blizzard ¹Î*Á¤ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 0
143725 0417 IELTS writing Task2 homework ¼Û*À¯ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 0
143724 homework ÀÌ*¾Æ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 571
143723 Homework for today ¾ö*¸° ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 753
143722 2025.04.17 homework! ÀÌ*ÁØ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 712
143721 Talk about a person you want to receive a message from. ¹Ú*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-04-21 750

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04