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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

Describe your dream house.

작성자: 박*호
2025-04-11 1100

회원님의 영작문

Most Koreans live in apartments in the city.
Apartments are well-equipped with amenities such as a large parking lot and a fitness center, and is conveniently located near a subway station and shopping center.
Therefore, it is convenient to live in an apartment in the city when working and raising children.
However, living in an apartment is a bit stuffy. So like other Koreans, I dream of living in the countryside.
After I retire, I want to build a house with a large garden in the countryside outside the city. And I also want to plant grass, various trees and flowers in the garden and take care of them.
If possible, I want to raise several dogs and cats so that my grandchildren can play together when they come over later.
Among my retired seniors, there are some who actually moved to the countryside and enjoy country life in a house with a large garden.
I hope my dream comes true in near future.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hi, Mr. Park^^
Thank you for sharing.
That seems like a good plan.
_T. SHAY^^
***
Most Koreans live in apartments in the city.
>>Correct
OR: Majority of Koreans live in apartments located in urban areas. 
Apartments are well-equipped with amenities such as a large parking lot and a fitness center, and is conveniently located near a subway station and shopping center.
>>Apartments are well-equipped with amenities such as a large parking lot and a fitness center, and are conveniently located near a subway station and shopping center.
Therefore, it is convenient to live in an apartment in the city when working and raising children.
>>Correct
OR: Hence, this makes city apartments a convenient choice for working parents.
However, living in an apartment is a bit stuffy. 
>>Correct
OR: However, living in an apartment can feel a bit cramped or confined.
So like other Koreans, I dream of living in the countryside.
>>Correct
OR: Like many other Koreans, I also dream of a quiet life in the countryside.
After I retire, I want to build a house with a large garden in the countryside outside the city. 
>>Correct
OR: When I retire, I'd like to settle in the countryside and build a home with a large garden.
And I also want to plant grass, various trees and flowers in the garden and take care of them.
>>Correct
OR: I also dream of having a garden filled with greenery and flowers, and tending to it myself.
If possible, I want to raise several dogs and cats so that my grandchildren can play together when they come over later.
>>If possible, I want to raise several dogs and cats so that my future grandchildren can play with them when they visit.
Among my retired seniors, there are some who actually moved to the countryside and enjoy country life in a house with a large garden.
>>Correct
OR: Some of my retired seniors have already moved to the countryside to enjoy life in spacious homes with big gardens.
I hope my dream comes true in near future.
>>I hope my dream comes true in the near future.
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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