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영작교정 게시판

영어 말하기와 쓰기를 동시에 잡는다!

자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
회원님들께 무료로 제공해드리는 부가 서비스로, 전문 분야를 제외한 자유 주제
또는 강사님이 내주시는 과제를 회원님께서 영어로 작성해주시면,
담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

What procedures or measures do you think are necessary to ensure safety in military aircrafts? (Ex:

작성자: 문*현
2025-04-22 1102

회원님의 영작문

The most well-known training is Korean Air Force is the Korea Flying Training which is a large-scale joint training with U.S. Air Force to enhance the quality of Korean air force. Despite all the training, there have been fatal incidents including the recent one where a pilot accidentally bombed civilian residences and injured 15 civilians. This kind of incident shows vulnerability of the Korean military. To cut down on accidents, the Korean army needs to add more pilots to their force and equip them with more up-to-date fighter jets. Compared to other troops, it is challenging to join the Korean air force, and it requires to enlist for 21 months for general staff members and 10 years to be the pilot. Also, there was news of pilot’s death in their young age due to flight malfunction so there is misinterpretation that Korean air force with short life expectancy. Accordingly, the Korean air force must be equipped with modernized fleets and technology to increase the number of enlists.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Aciel!

The most well-known training is Korean Air Force is the Korea Flying Training which is a large-scale joint training with U.S. Air Force to enhance the quality of Korean air force. 
>>> The most well-known training in Korean Air Force is the Korea Flying Training which is a large-scale joint training with U.S. Air Force to enhance the quality of the Korean air force.   
Despite all the training, there have been fatal incidents including the recent one where a pilot accidentally bombed civilian residences and injured 15 civilians. 
>>>  correct 
This kind of incident shows vulnerability of the Korean military. 
>>>   This kind of incident shows the vulnerability of the Korean military. 
To cut down on accidents, the Korean army needs to add more pilots to their force and equip them with more up-to-date fighter jets. 
>>>   correct 
Compared to other troops, it is challenging to join the Korean air force, and it requires to enlist for 21 months for general staff members and 10 years to be the pilot. 
>>>  Compared to other troops, it is challenging to join the Korean air force, and it requires you to enlist for 21 months for general staff members and 10 years to be a pilot.  
Also, there was news of pilot’s death in their young age due to flight malfunction so there is misinterpretation that Korean air force with short life expectancy. 
>>> Also, there were news of pilot deaths in their young age due to flight malfunction/accidents so there is wrong perception that people in the Korean air force have short life expectancy.   
Accordingly, the Korean air force must be equipped with modernized fleets and technology to increase the number of enlists.
>>>   Accordingly, the Korean air force must be equipped with modernized fleets and technology to increase the number of enlistment.
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첨삭이 가능하며,

올려주신 글의 강사님 첨삭은 24시간 이내에
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