¹«·á ·¹º§Å×½ºÆ® ¹Þ°í °­»çÆò°¡ ³²±â¸é 1,OOO¿ø ÄíÆù Áï½Ã Àû¸³!

Ȥ½Ã »çÀÌÆ®¿¡¼± ãÁö ¸øÇÑ ±Ã±ÝÇÑ Á¡ÀÌ ÀÖÀ¸¼¼¿ä?
³²°ÜÁֽŠÀ̸ÞÀÏÀ» ÅëÇØ ´äº¯ µå¸®°Ú½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®ÀÇÇϽг»¿ëÀÌ ¹®ÀÚ·Î ¹ß¼ÛµÇ¿À´Ï
¿¬¶ôó¸¦ ³²°ÜÁÖ¼¼¿ä.
¾÷¹«½Ã°£ ¿ù~±Ý ¿ÀÀü9½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ6½Ã
(Á¡½É½Ã°£ ³·12½Ã~¿ÀÈÄ1½Ã)

¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇ

¿µ¾î ¸»Çϱâ¿Í ¾²±â¸¦ µ¿½Ã¿¡ Àâ´Â´Ù!

ÀڽŠÀÖ°Ô ¾µ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ¿µÀÛ¹®À» À§ÇØ ÆÄ¿öÀ×±Û¸®½¬ ¼ö¾÷À» ¼ö°­ÇϽôÂ
ȸ¿ø´Ôµé²² ¹«·á·Î Á¦°øÇص帮´Â ºÎ°¡ ¼­ºñ½º·Î, Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ ÀÚÀ¯ ÁÖÁ¦
¶Ç´Â °­»ç´ÔÀÌ ³»Áֽô °úÁ¦¸¦ ȸ¿ø´Ô²²¼­ ¿µ¾î·Î ÀÛ¼ºÇØÁֽøé,
´ã´ç °­»ç ´Ô²²¼­ ¡®¹®¹ý ¿À·ù ±³Á¤¡¯ °ú ¡®´õ ³ªÀº ¿µ¾î½Ä Ç¥Çö¡¯À¸·Î ±³Á¤ÇØÁÖ´Â
¼­ºñ½º ÀÔ´Ï´Ù.

People compete in sports, games, the economy, and many other areas of life. What is good and bad abo

ÀÛ¼ºÀÚ: ÀÌ*À±
2025-04-25 834

ȸ¿ø´ÔÀÇ ¿µÀÛ¹®



Long time no see, teahcer!
Please, check the attached file.
Have a nice day!

°­»ç´ÔÀÇ Ã·»è±³Á¤ ³»¿ë

Hello, Ji Yun!
It was really nice to see you again. ^^ Thank you for doing your homework. :>
You¡¯ve shared a thoughtful and clear perspective on both the positive and negative sides of competition. Nice job explaining your points with examples! Let¡¯s work on organizing your ideas into clearer paragraphs and smoothing out some sentence structures to improve flow. Keep it up!

See you next time! ^^
~ Trixia

CONTENT:
The good thing about competition is that you can work on your own to compete with people, knowing your shortcomings.
- CORRECT.
>>> OR: The good thing about competition is that it allows you to work independently while recognizing your own shortcomings. 
I think the first things I need to do to win the competition can be to figure myself out. Therefore, you will be able to understand yourself, know what you are lacking, and create a posture to work on your own.
- I think the first step to succeeding in a competition is understanding yourself. By doing so, you can identify your weaknesses and develop the mindset needed to grow on your own.
But there are so many bad things about competition.
- However, there are also many negative aspects of competition.
First, you can try bad things to win the competition.
- CORRECT.
>>> OR: First, people may resort to unethical behavior just to win.
If these behaviors are further developed, illegality and corruption will become rampant and society will be unfair.
- If this becomes widespread, it can lead to corruption, illegality, and an unfair society.
Second, it will lead to distrust in all areas.
- CORRECT.
>>> OR: Second, excessive competition can lead to distrust.
If competition intesifies, you won't be able to trust people and make real friends that are important, especially for teenagers.
- You may find it hard to trust others or build genuine friendships, which is especially harmful for teenagers.
Third, hierarchies may be created among people.
- CORRECT.
Those who win the competition can be recognized as upper classes, those who lose the competition can be recognized as lower classes, and can be solidfied with solid ideas. 
- Winners may be viewed as superior, while those who lose may be seen as inferior.
If these ideas are fixed, you will see disrespect and arrogance in people in the upper classes, and people in the lower classes will have the qualifications they have.
- If these ideas are fixed, you will see disrespectfulness and arrogance in people in the upper classes, and people in the lower classes will have the qualifications they have.
 Moreover, they can ruin themselves or make them sick, and they'll become a very bad factor in society.
- This may cause people to feel discouraged, harm their mental health, or even lead to self-destruction—becoming a serious issue for society.

¹øÈ£ Á¦¸ñ ±Û¾´ÀÌ °ø°³ »óÅ µî·ÏÀÏ Á¶È¸¼ö
142543 \"I only compete with myself\"mwhat do you think does this... Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-16 1467
142542 Homework4 ±è* ¿Ï·á 2025-02-16 1256
142541 Homework ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-16 3
142540 What kinds of things do you believe artificial intelligence will... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-15 1236
142539 What is the most important thing to learn in life? ¼Û*ÀÚ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-15 1
142538 Is mental illness still a taboo in your society? What can be... ¹®*Çö ¿Ï·á 2025-02-15 1236
142537 What is something you are curious about? Why? ÀÌ*À± ¿Ï·á 2025-02-15 1209
142536 Do you think having a bucket list is necessary? Why or why not? À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-15 0
142535 Do you think staying in touch with people regularly is... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 0
142534 In your opinion, should younger generations continue old... À±*¿ø ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 1
142533 homework ±è*¿¬ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 1
142532 It is healthy. À¯*ºó ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 1550
142531 What side that we should follow, theory of creation? Or... ±è*¿ì ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 3
142530 What kind of ideas do you consider to be \"great\"? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 1404
142529 The homework of 13th Fab. Á¶*È£ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 1246
142528 Who do you want to compliment you when you do a good job? Why? Â÷*Çõ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 1293
142527 What are your New Year\'s goals? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 1167
142526 The most important attitude at work È«*Àº ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 1169
142525 What traditions or activities do you associate with Christmas? ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 1392
142524 What is the most meaningful way to celebrate the Christmas... ÀÌ*ÅÂ ¿Ï·á 2025-02-14 1066

HOW TO USE IT?

[¸¶ÀÌÆäÀÌÁö > ¼ö¾÷ ³»¿ë º¸±â > ÇнÀ ͏°´õ > ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ ¹öư Ŭ¸¯]

¼ö¾÷ Ƚ¼ö¸¸Å­ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀÌ »ý¼ºµÇ¸ç,
Áö³­ ³¯Â¥¿¡µµ °Ô½Ã ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

ÁÖ5ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 20ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ3ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 12ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
ÁÖ2ȸ ¼ö¾÷ : ¿ù 08ȸ ÀÌ¿ë °¡´É
01
±³Á¤ ³»¿ëÀº ÃÖ´ë 1,000byte±îÁö ¿Ã¸± ¼ö ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.

÷ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ¿øÈ°ÇÑ Ã·»èÀ» À§ÇÑ Âü°íÀÚ·á·Î »ç¿ëµÉ »Ó,
ÆÄÀÏ¿¡ ´ëÇÑ Ã·»èÀº ºÒ°¡´É ÇÕ´Ï´Ù.

¾÷·Îµå °¡´ÉÇÑ Ã·ºÎ ÆÄÀÏÀº ÃÖ´ë 2mb±îÁöÀ̸ç,
÷ºÎ ÇÒ ¼ö ÀÖ´Â ÆÄÀÏ Çü½ÄÀº ´ÙÀ½°ú °°½À´Ï´Ù.

¹®¼­ - PDF, TXT, DOCX,
À̹ÌÁö - JPEG, PNG, GIF
02
Àü¹® ºÐ¾ß¸¦ Á¦¿ÜÇÑ È¸¿ø´ÔÀÌ Á÷Á¢ ÀÛ¼ºÇÑ ±Û¸¸
÷»èÀÌ °¡´ÉÇϸç,

¿Ã·ÁÁֽбÛÀÇ °­»ç´Ô ÷»èÀº 24½Ã°£ À̳»¿¡
¿Ï·á µÇ´Â °ÍÀ» ¿øÄ¢À¸·Î Çϰí ÀÖ½À´Ï´Ù.
03
ÇÏ·ç °Ô½Ã °¡´ÉÇÑ ±ÛÀº 3ȸ±îÁö À̸ç,
Á¾·áµÈ ¼ö¾÷ÀÇ ¿µÀÛ±³Á¤ °Ô½ÃÆÇÀº
ÀÌ¿ëÀÌ ¾î·Á¿î Á¡ ¾çÇØ ºÎŹ µå¸³´Ï´Ù.
04