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영작교정 게시판

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자신 있게 쓸 수 있는 영작문을 위해 파워잉글리쉬 수업을 수강하시는
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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
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Despite the side effects that come with it, is this weight-loss injection worth it?

작성자: 문*현
2025-04-28 387

회원님의 영작문

As with other medications and treatments, people can benefit from weight loss injections when used wisely. According to the scientific research weight loss drugs offer significant benefits by improving cardiovascular health and reducing risk of several neurological disease. Most importantly, weight loss injection was originally developed to assist diabetes patients by controlling the insulin level. There are also scientific researches about detrimental side effects of weight loss injection. The most concerning side effects are eating disorder and pancreatitis cancer. First there is research that people can have an eating disorder when exposed to this injection for a long time. Then there is the concern of pancreatitis cancer. There is early stage research about these injections increasing cancer risk by stimulating the gallbladder receptor. Therefore, it is important to have weight loss injections under doctors’ directions and stop using them when experiencing mild side effects.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Thank you for this Aciel! Although there is no guarantee of developing pancreatic cancer, the high possibility of it happening is just scary. But I guess for some people, the desperate desire to be skinny is stronger than the risks that come with weight loss injections. 

As with other medications and treatments, people can benefit from weight loss injections when used wisely.
>>> correct  
 According to the scientific research weight loss drugs offer significant benefits by improving cardiovascular health and reducing risk of several neurological disease. 
>>> According to a scientific research, weight loss drugs offer significant benefits by improving cardiovascular health and reducing risk of several neurological disease.   
Most importantly, weight loss injection was originally developed to assist diabetes patients by controlling the insulin level. 
>>> correct    
There are also scientific researches about detrimental side effects of weight loss injection. 
>>>  correct   
The most concerning side effects are eating disorder and pancreatitis cancer. 
>>> correct    
First there is research that people can have an eating disorder when exposed to this injection for a long time. 
>>>   First, there is a research that people can develop an eating disorder when exposed to this injection for a long time. 
Then there is the concern of pancreatitis cancer. 
>>> correct   
There is early stage research about these injections increasing cancer risk by stimulating the gallbladder receptor. 
>>>  There is an early stage research about these injections increasing cancer risk by stimulating the gallbladder receptor.  
Therefore, it is important to have weight loss injections under doctors’ directions and stop using them when experiencing mild side effects.
>>>   correct   
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