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담당 강사 님께서 ‘문법 오류 교정’ 과 ‘더 나은 영어식 표현’으로 교정해주는
서비스 입니다.

.

작성자: 김*인
2025-05-01 725

회원님의 영작문

I'm not sure whether I understood the question correctly, but I'll just talk about as I personally comprehended.
People around me has changed a lot as I enter college. Before, most of the people around me were in similar ages. Friends in school or academies were the greater part of my relationships. I not only had less chance to build new relationship with people in different age range, but also had little desire to try it.
However, as I become a college student, I met many people in various ages. Having a people with different ages around meant deeper than I thought. I could have wider perspective around the world through each person's unique past experiences. Additionally, the relationships between people that used to be close to me previously started to break apart, and only with the ones who match with me and has similar interests are still maintained.

강사님의 첨삭교정 내용

Hello, Ms. WooIn! You made some great points about how hanging out with people of different ages gave you a new perspective. That’s something a lot of people experience but don’t always talk about.
-T. Sonny
I'm not sure whether I understood the question correctly, but I'll just talk about as I personally comprehended.
>>I'm not sure whether I understood the question correctly, but I'll just talk about it as I personally comprehended.
People around me has changed a lot as I enter college. 
>>People around me have changed a lot since I entered college.
Before, most of the people around me were in similar ages. 
>>Before, most of the people around me were around the same age.
Friends in school or academies were the greater part of my relationships. 
>>Friends from school or academies made up the majority of my relationships.
I not only had less chance to build new relationship with people in different age range, but also had little desire to try it.
>>I not only had fewer chances to build new relationships with people of different age groups, but I also had little desire to try.
However, as I become a college student, I met many people in various ages. 
>>However, after becoming a college student, I met many people of various ages.
Having a people with different ages around meant deeper than I thought. 
>>Being around people from different age groups meant more than I expected.
I could have wider perspective around the world through each person's unique past experiences.
>>I was able to gain a broader perspective on the world through each person's unique life experiences.
 Additionally, the relationships between people that used to be close to me previously started to break apart, and only with the ones who match with me and has similar interests are still maintained.
>>Additionally, some relationships that used to be close have started to fade, and now I mostly stay connected with people who match my interests and values.
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